Wednesday, August 31, 2005

It's Destiny, Child!

Okay, so I am Anaheim this week for work, right? And low and behold, I become the proud owner of two tickets to see Destiny's Child tomorrow night at the Pond.

Is this good or bad? I can't figure it out.
I mean, I seem to know all about Beyonce and her two Shadows, and I have to admit, I know the lyrics to Bug A Boo [if you are reading this Andrea, it's your fault] and Survivor, etc...

But I usually bash Beyonce. I bash her after seeing her hideous sense of fashion, and how she can stand to bed that Lurch dude.

Am I a poser? A two-faced R&B skank?

Or is the an inner-diva begging to get out?
The show also includes Amerie, Tyra, and some guy named Mario.
Sure wish it was Usher.

I hope they sing that "Baby boy I lose my breath song..."
I sure like it.
Opps! Did I say that out loud?
I will never forget the three minutes before he said goodbye forever.

"Give Jinxy a kiss for me,"

And then I heard a dialtone.

Guess this was one last bag I overlooked that was left at the door, August 10, 2004.

Tuesday, August 30, 2005

Jinx's Burning Question

I, uhh.. I mean Jinx has a thing for screwing married men. Is it so wrong?
Has the media made it okay? Do you believe that we have reached the age of Aquarius in a new way, where its no longer necessary for people to stay monogomous?

Think about it-
scientifically, men were created to spread their seed like in the wild. Women are able to hold down careers and get pregnant via alternative means. Who cheats more, men or women? Why do they cheat?

Is marriage so 20th century?

Or am I, uhh.. I mean Jinx, jaded?
As long as its on the R. Kelly Down Low, is it so bad? Your comments are appreciated. I am even opening up the annonymous post feature.
This is not an opportunity to hate, this is to open for mature discussion. All evil posts will be deleted.

I miss my Jelly :(

My sidekick is out in the desert at Burning Man til 09/11 without phone service.

I miss you, E-go!

I have all this juicy stuff to share. Like my big date tomorrow night.
I am going to see a certain someone whom I had the biggest crush on when I was like 21 years old. He was my boss.
Ironically, I ran into him on a plane back to LAX recently.
It's fate, isn't it...
I am a sucker for a Persian guy...*purrrrrrr like a cat*

Jinx's Guide to Dating-Los Angeles Style

I hate going out on a date when the guy flirts with the waitress.
This is the biggest pet peeve in life for me. Why, you ask? I don't know. I think it is because you can't really walk off. It's very awkward. In my opinion, this is the RUDEST FORM OF MANNERISM A MAN CAN DISPLAY.

Does anyone agree with me? If a guy doesn't make you feel like the most important girl, time to get rid of him.

NEXT: A guy without Moolah is a bad thing. Rob a bank. Return something you shoplifted. I don't care what you did to get the money, just make sure you have some!

HEY, JEALOUSY. A guy who thinks you are sleeping with the world. Sure, I am, but that is none of your concern. Just be gone by 7PM, I have a gentleman caller coming over.

EX-GIRLFRIENDS. We all have an EX, and I am sure I probably slept with yours at one point or another. I do not care to hear about what you used to do together, and how evil she was to slash your tires or boil your rabbit.

DON'T BRAG ABOUT THE PAST Okay, so you used to drive a Beemer. You Used to own a place on the beach. You used to be the CFO of a company. You aren't now. Get over it.

And always remember the Foo Fighter Lyrics- "Done, done and I'm on to the next one."

Monday, August 29, 2005

The Hottie Hairbands of Yesterday-Where Are They Now?

They are dating my coworkers.
Living in Los Angeles, I should have figured a few of these past idols are doing the breast-stroke in my dating pool.
One of my coworkers went out for a fun-filled Saturday night with one of the dark haired dudes in the once-oh-so-famous Britny Fox.
This band was somewhere between Samantha Fox and Britney Spears, is all I can tell ya. They had that song called "Girls School."
I think Kelly Bundy or at least her clone starred in the video.
In light of this celebration, I want to pay homage to the man that made me flip out in the early 90s-

But since I already know that I do not want to hook up with Jani Lane...(thanks to VH1, for ruining it)
I wonder if Don Dokken is free this Saturday?
This gives all of you men hope! Someday when Briney Spears is Lita Ford's age, you just may have a chance!

Another Reason to Be Pissed at Canada

Canadians don't play fair, they play stash.

Does this pizza look yummy to you? Are you salivating?
These four ladies look like they're are having a blast, don't they?

Too bad for you, this is from Pizza Pizza, a popular pizza
chain in Ontario. For someone like me who is allegric to tomatoes, this
place is key, since they have at least three sauces sans tomatoes. They also serve chicken crunchers and trans-fat free fries. Save the trans-fat for some other meal!

I ate here every day I was out there. I am now having withdrawls. The other day I was going through my wallet and found a Pizza Pizza gamepiece in which I won a free slice.
A lot of good that does me. I logged onto the site, and emailed the president of Pizza Pizza to let him know there is a market here in socal. No response.
Eating Pizza Hut is like giving a starving dog a rubber bone. Sans trans-fat.
Damn you, Canada!

What Do I Have to Do to Get Some Poutine?

After traveling to three provinces of Canada, I understand there are a lot of differences and similarities between the US and Canada.
Our music, TV, movies, and pop-culture is affluent there. They have given us hockey, Alanis Morrisette, and Molson beer.

Why are they not sharing Poutine?

I discovered Poutine at Burger King in Toronto. At first, I was a little grossed out, wondering if a ladle of brown gravy and cheese curds with fries is really what I needed to accompany my greasy Whopper with extra mayo. Then I realized, screw ketchup. Give me the poutine!

I consulted and found that their large poutine has an astonishing 93 mg of cholesterol. The truth is, if it is high-fat, oozy, and crunchy, I will take it. In fact, supersize me.

I am pissed off that those shifty Canadians are keeping this poutine a secret.

And why are we a fatter country in general, when at least ketchup only has 20 calories a serving?
Blame Canada!

Sunday, August 28, 2005

I was having a dream and this was on the soundtrack

Strange- I slept through my whole Sunday!
I woke up realizing that this song was playing in my dream. I do not remember what I dreamt about, but woke up all haunted by this song, a song I actually love...Maybe Courtney is trying to speak to me from beyond the grave...oh, yeah, I forgot, she ain't dead...yet! Thank you, Courtney Love. I love you, girl!

Doll Parts

i am doll eyes
doll mouth, doll legs
i am doll arms, big veins dog bait
yeah, they really want you
they really want you, they really do
yeah, they really want you
they really want you, and i do too
i want to be the girl with the most cake
i love it so much it just turns to hate
i fake it so real, i am beyond fake
and someday, you will ache like i ache
someday, you will ache like i ache
i am doll parts
bad skin, doll heart
it's stands for knife
for the rest of my life
yeah, they really want you
they really want you, they really do
yeah, they really want you
they really want you, and i do too
i want to be the girl with the most cake
he only loves those things because he loves
to see them break
i fake it so true i am beyond fake
and someday, you will ache like i ache
someday, you will ache like i ache
someday, you will ache like i ache
someday, you will ache like i ache
someday, you will ache like i ache

Saturday, August 27, 2005

Holy Shit! Posted by Picasa

Pez, Anyone?

Safeway Store Director Melvin Abrams is prepared to face just about any challenge that comes about in his store. Except for quality control. After nervously shifting through a stack of sales prices for items like Tide, Country Crock and Pampers, he handed them to Dan the night stocker, and said,

"Here. These need to be put out by opening time. Get busy or you're fired."

I shit you not, this photo is real. This photo courtesy of Andrea of the Denver Food-Police Department.
Damn them. You can imagine my surprise when I took home something I thought was a Lucy Van Pelt head filled with delicious candy treats only to find a cup of warm piss. Posted by Picasa

Friday, August 26, 2005

I've got a confession to make, I'm no fool. Posted by Picasa


Talk Like a Pirate Day is Sept 19th. Blow me down.

I happened upon this on askjeeves while I was searching for...well, that's not important.
So what does one do on such a joyous occasion? I've done my research, arrrgh...and here is some feedback:

"Better late than never: My wife and I were married last year on September 20th. We had a party the day before, and our friends, being who they are, were already talking like pirates when we arrived. Then they applied "it must still be September 19th *somewhere*" logic to carry Talk Like a Pirate Day over to September 20th, and at our reception, a few of them donned pirate garb and attempted to make off with my bride. They were foiled, and we've now been happily married for a year." -Brian Slattery

"I wanted you to know that the spirit of TLAPD was in full force at Disneyland yesterday!" -Annonymous"

How in the hell have I wasted 31 September 19ths?

This year, come hell or high water, I plan to get crazy, have a party, maybe even get me some heavy-duty pirate lovin':
I can hear the conversation now:

Hotty Pirate: Pardon me, but would ya mind if fired me cannon through your porthole?

MeLoveUMatey: Arrgh..How bout me scrape the barnacles off of you rudder?"

"Hotty Pirate: I’ve sailed the seven seas, and you’re the sleekest schooner I’ve ever sighted."

"MeLoveUMatey: Brwaack! Polly want a cracker? … Oh, wait. That’s for Talk Like a PARROT Day.

I really need more ideas to make this event rawk...

Thursday, August 25, 2005


Is it me, or does anyone else get a little hot over Coq Roq?
Perhaps its the sauce?
I personally thing Dave Grohl is involved in this somehow.

Employee Pricing for All

Is there anyone else out there that thinks this big marketing campaign for car dealerships is bunk?

How do the employees feel?
Hell, I get a $25 room at my hotels for being an employee. If the general public gets that price, there will not be any funds to supply necessary office things like Krispy Kremes, white-out, and ink cartridges, or will there? Just a thought.

Since most of the marketing slogans for this campaign all suck, I have taken the liberty to write my own:

1)Norm Reeve's Honda. Our applications are pink.
2)Worthington Ford. Where we write-up the best employee prices.
3)Our boss is firing regular prices.
4)There will be no lunch break til we get you in a new car.
5)We offer at-will car loans

Okay. These are stupid...but so is the concept.

I will never bring this subject up again.

Wednesday, August 24, 2005

Life's Most Difficult Questions

I am so bored right now. Once again, I need something fun to happen. Or do I jinx myself by saying that, now?
I have an obsession with crazy thoughts. You know, the "what is the sound of one hand clapping?"
So here are a few I found to be highly amusing:

1)Why are the commercials for cable companies on cable but not on regular television?
2)Have you ever noticed that if you rearranged the letters in mother in law, they
spell Woman Hitler?
3)What happens if you put this side up face down while popping microwave popcorn?
4)Why is chopsticks one of the easiest songs to play on the piano, but the hardest thing to eat with?
5)If people with one arm go to get their nails done, do they pay half price?
6)Why do people say PIN number when that truly means Personal Identification Number Number?(gawd, I hate redundant, redundant!)
7)Why is Charlie short for Charles if they are both the same number of letters?
8)Why is it when we duck they call us chicken?
9)What happens when you say “hi” to your friend on an airplane who's name is Jack?
10)If people say if you eat dessert before dinner it will ruin your appetite won’t eating dinner before dessert ruin your appetite for dessert?

These are fun, aren't they!

Tuesday, August 23, 2005

Check out these two- E-GO and the Sexy Bitch Posted by Picasa

Monday, August 22, 2005

Opps...I did it again

My weekend in a nutshell...Palm Springs blows.

I got bombed at my boss' birthday party on Saturday, and committed several sins that night...

propositioned by boss' hot married son. His wife almost give me a chokedown.
At least I am not the only one in the headlines, this one guy was a fugitive in our hotel room cuz his wife got smacked up and she called the cops. Between him and I, we made sure our company gets a reality check.
I blame it all on Skyy Vodka.

Why the fuck can't I leave shit at just a cameo appearance?

Opps. Did I do that?

Saturday, August 20, 2005

Stop the Insanity!

I can't stop! I am sucked into this mindtrip of Reality madness!

Not another list!

1)I wonder if William Hung got my letter and photo.
2)I learned how to make a 30-minute meal, and watched Rachel Ray's hips double in size in one episode.
3)Does Talk Soup cause acid-reflux in some people?
4)I am still confused on how Road Rules and Real World got all tangled up. And why Veronica is on every season. And the doofus country-singer guy who wears Jesus shirts. He is America's Un-idol.
5)I actually know a lady who looks like Foofie Foofie's big girl.
6)How Clean is Your House. I love this show, British Biddies sniff your dishrag and can find its the cat vomit under your bed that reeks.
7)I really loathe Bob Guiney. He was so much better as a chunky louse dancing all around.
8)And don't get me started about Chaotic. I would rather watch Pauly Shore's trainwreck of a show.
9)I want to have a single guy invade my bedroom and pick up my undies with tweezers, just in case.. Then go out on a fun filled date!
10)I seriously believe that Ashton Kutcher is out to get me.
11)Stumped on what to name your kid? I learned you can spell Bobby like 5 million different ways.
12)Anyone see that Magic Bullet infomercial? Now this is reality! I can turn a cup of milk and a broccoli floret into soup in count it, one, two, three seconds!
13)Evan Marriott can stand there, gagged, and look stupid for me, any time!
14)They invented Ryan Seacrest by topping cupcakes with at-home hair-frosting kits.
15)Reality TV has spawned a lot of great side-projects for some. The exception is Nick Lachey.
16)Trading Spouses-Meet Your New Mommy. This show would be my only reason to marry and have kids, so I can spend the other family's $50k on a trip to fun-filled Dollywood, and ear plugs for the family because for the 14-year old daughter can't sing, and will never be famous.
17)I think Dewberry from Hell's Kitchen got a bum deal. With a name like that, expect to be voted off every time.
18)Hey Nicole! I learned that there is someone more homely than Lionel Ritchie!

There. I'm done.

Thursday, August 18, 2005

Reality TV Gone Wild

I need MILF stilettos to walk in this shit!

1)Fear factor: I didn't win the $50k, but at least I know if I am down on my luck, the roaches in my apartment are edible.
2)I learned that "baby talk" works, thanks to Trista Sutter.
3)Combovers rock, I'll lay on his couch for a couple a million.
4)You can still have an affair with your co-worker and get away with it cause it means higher ratings and more money (Paula Abdul & Simon Cowell) Bloody dreadful.
5)What ever happened to Jenny Jones?
6)This episode of cops was filmed in Jinx the Wondecats' neighborhood. All suspects are shot dead in the court of Inglewood.
7)Supermarket Sweep. What the hell is this? They make it fun to buy bengay and Northern.
8)Did the Two Fat Cooking Ladies lose out to Anna Nicole for the TrimSpa endorsement?
9)You may be the Worlds First Super Model, but it sure as hell don't take the Trailer out of the Trash! And is there really a last name Pigford?
10)Bobby Flay can flip my loins any day! That boy can meet my grill anytime.

There. I feel better getting this off my chest. Special madprops go out to my buddy E-go for contributing.

We are now going to go revel in the beauty of Steven from Laguna Beach.

Tuesday, August 16, 2005

Reality TV

Hello from Stockton.
Gawd, I miss LA.

I am catching up on the Real World tonight. I love the action, the drama, the whining, the random hookups this season. It's stellar. Johanna is so hot.

Speaking of reality shows, a few weeks ago I was talking with someone who felt that reality TV was horrible, because it takes human nature when its down and kicks it for our entertainment. I will wear boots.

Here is what I have learned from Reality TV:
1)Yes, girls, you can evolve into a refined, classy supermodel and hook up with Peter Brady.
2)I can go from a fat slob and morph into a sleek hottie, on a team with a bunch of 80s and 90s has-beens.
3)I can have my mom go on a date with a hot guy who looks gay, only to have him wrinkle his face and say, "ewwww" about me when I exit the limo in stilettos.
4)My apartment walls are in need of stenciled butterflies in maize.
5)When Ambush Makeover approaches you on the street, you better do what they tell you.
6)Don Vito can get chicks.
7)You can bang a hotty-badboy, deny it, go through an investigation, and get off, cuz they feel sorry for what the manicurist did to you.
8)Ty Pennington is a precious little picnic basket trying to break out of a Coleman bag.
9)Wes on the real world is a hot lover.
10)Andy Milonakis is in all of us.

Sunday, August 14, 2005

Just What Would R. Kelly Do?


This is to inform all sinners that Jesus will be taking a leave of absence. The person filling in will be none other than Mr. R. Kelly. This is that shameful pedophile that always comes through with grace and charm.

So if you find yourself in a jam, ask yourself, "what would R. Kelly do?

Saturday, August 13, 2005

Mad props to EGO

I just wanna say that Ego, the new eclectic bar here in LB rules.
I got all torn up there last night.

Get this, I received a call from Noel, the persian god, at like 2am after him being absent from my life for almost a year.
Should I be flattered or frightened?
Anyhoo. I am going to finish watching Footloose, and go back to bed. I need my strength for tonight. No plans yet, but who knows what will brew in the life of melfish!

Thursday, August 11, 2005

Backstabbers Blow.

I discovered that I am being stabbed by a coworker.

Over it.
No use sweating the small shit in life.
I've got my health.
Love of my friends and family.
My skills.
And no one, I mean no one can take me down!

Wednesday, August 10, 2005

Beverly Hills Blows.

Be careful what you wish for. Last night I get a call from my friend Eric, he and some friend from the East Bay were in Beverly Hills having dinner and drinks at Mr. Chow. Of course, I showed up. Mr. Chow is a trendy, expensive restaurant in the center of Bev Hills. Everyone was so pretty, and trendy, and fake. These two dumb wanna-be bitches were outside with us smoking were trying to get friendly with us. I was not having it. Dumb Blonde: I am having so much fun here! Dumb Brunette: Do you come here often? Me: Hell, no. They dragged me out of Long Beach to come here. This place blows. They gasp in unison. And they take their trendy, size 0 bodies back in the restaurant. They both had bad hair, for being so "riche". I am broke, but damn, I have nice hair! So anyway, Eric was bombed by the time I got there.
So Eric is bombed, and he falls of his stool at the bar, and breaks a chunk off the leg. As if that wasn't bad enough, he did it twice!!!
It was hilarious.

Somehow champagne tastes better when it is served up with a hearty side of pretentiousness.
As we were waiting for the valet guy to bring us our car, Eric gets in the back seat of the wrong car. These ultra-fabulous who own the ultra-fabulous beemer gasp in shock.
Guess they never get trashed.
We then headed off to The Abby, an awesome gay bar/club in Weho.
While Eric is off being drunk, his friend is trying to get on me...So I go try to find Eric, and he is sitting by himself at a table, all torn up. I walked him back to our table, and we ended up getting booted from the fine establishment cuz Eric was passed out sitting up.
At least he didn't fall off the chair.
We left and went to the hotel, and I know this is an inside joke, but for the record, "I didn't pee."

Tuesday, August 09, 2005

Not a whole lot has happened today. I guess it is a Tuesday kind of thing. The only good thing about a Tuesday is that I can get a Filet-o-fish at Micky Ds for a buck.

Tomorrow I drive to Ob-nox-nard, CA. It is about 70 miles North on the coast from LA.

I really need a distraction. Something sweet to go down. I am extremely bored right now.
la la la...
Here is a list of shit I hate today, for lack of anything else to post:

1)I really cannot stand Jessica Simpson. Curses to her! I am illed by all this Dukes hype.
2)Coldplay. The whines. The high-pitched oooos and ahhhhhs.
3)I hate that I am starting to like the White Stripes.
4)I hate the loopy panhandler freaks that hang out in front of the Rite Aid across the street from my building.
6)Pop-ups that resist this oh-so-effective spyware protection on AOL.
8)Hefty chicks in tube tops. Just because they are made nowadays with the flowy fabric around the middle is not a license to wear one.
9)Condoleeza Rice's hair
10)help me this one...?I ran out of ideas.

Monday, August 08, 2005

Jinx's Pet Peeve of the Moment

people who say, "I am amped-up," Isn't that redundant, redundant?

"I am an ass-donkey"
"I am sad-downered"
"I am drunk-plowed"
"I am dorkity-dork-dork-dork"

Is This So Wrong Its Right?

Last night I ate dinner at Wendy's near Bellflower and 405, near Cal State LB.
The guy working the register was the hottest guy I have encountered at a place that asks if I want it Biggie Sized.
His name is Blaine. He had gorgeous eyes, nice lips, and no ring. But then again, rings don't plug holes, heh heh. He looks about late twenties.
He smiled gently on the other side of the counter, the smell of french fries in the air.

But what is wrong with this picture?

Blaine is working at Wendy's because:
1)He has five children by three different mamas and is working there part time to pay them off.
2)He is working a second job to pay off criminal fines from being a bad boy. Like driving his crotch rocket too fast down the 10 freeway or from a bar brawl defending a woman's honor
3)He is an heir of Dave Thomas trying to stay grounded by working a few shifts.


Where's the beef?

Sunday, August 07, 2005

Spreading the word, one sinner at a time

Avid worshipper of Jesus, Andrea of Denver, has blessed us with a wonderful site dedicated to Jesus. She is disciple Andrea with the Jesus Gift Wrap. Amen!
I am on my way down to the Sex Shoppe in Whittier where my gay friend Shayne works.

He has a product called Deep Throat. Its a spray that numbs your throat so you can take it all.
He said, come down to the store and I will spray you down with it. Gee, those words sound familiar. But isn't spraying you down in a store without actually "testing" it seem almost like giving a starving dog a rubber bone? If I am convinced enough to buy it, I will have to sit patiently all numb and stingy and wait for a victim.

The guy who created this must've used Chloraseptic a lot. I wonder if Deep Throat is anti-bacterial. "Made with the same active ingredients found in Comet!"

Now on about my next subject, Donkey Shows. Joab brought it up. He hails from the homeland of Donkey Love, Mexico.
Its so wrong its right.
And since it is hard to find a guy who is hung like a horse...
Do you think the ass will come, then kick you out?

Now onto the next subject. I am truly fascinated by people who "have sex" with balloons.
I plan on doing more research and spending much more time on this one, later.

For now, piece out!

Friday, August 05, 2005

Hell Froze Over....Brrrrr

I said to my friend Eric, "the only thing I use the internet for is to search for movie info and music,"

Then I got sucked into the cyber world after getting online at home.

So here I am. Bored. Reclusive. Speaking my mind on the inter-wreck.

My name is Melissa, I live in the LBC. Jinx the wondercat is my pride and joy.

Rules of my bog:
1)No mention of Louis Vittioin bags
2)If you are from the 909 you are banned. Or any of you 951ers trying to sneak in, GET OUT!
3)No jean shorts.

Got it? Good.
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