Monday, October 31, 2005

They Don't Have These In Arkansas....

Did your mom and dentist make you use these as a kid?

1980s disclosing tablets- to tell you you did a shitty job brushing your teeth...
you chew them up with all their nasty artifical flavoring, and spit...



plaque...ewww...

Do you almost wanna give one out before you kiss someone? The evidence will make you think twice about sleeping with 'em...

Three Cheers For Chi-Town!

Tomorrow I fly to Chicago...


In celebration of this joyous occasion, here are some famous Chicago families...Who did I leave out?




I'm BAAACK!!!

Tuesday, October 25, 2005

Well...my laptop kicked the bucket...I won't have a replacement for at least a few days, and I am out of the office the rest of the week...

I will be back soon...
Blog is my smack...and my laptop is a big vein...


Jinx the Village Cat


E-go's mom insisted Jinx wear this biker cap...I haven't seen him this pissed since I borrowed his toothpaste...

Monday, October 24, 2005

Here is my day in a nutshell:







Here is what my night won't be:

More On Stalking...PSA

*************************PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT*********************

Hello, everyone. My name is JorgeElCurioso (Curious George for the Spanish-challenged,) and I am here to discuss stalking with you, as I consider myself somewhat of an authority on the subject having been the subject of a stalker. Have I ever stalked anyone you ask? In the eyes of the law – absolutely not. Have I harassed and annoyed people, well… YES I HAVE.
Remember when you could actually prank call people without caller id, and call trace, and all that B.S. I was a fantastic prank caller. I convinced people that the state was going to offer them money to move their house to make way for a new highway, made people think they won cash and prizes, conducted many a “midnight poll,” (which actually commonly occurred around 2-3 a.m.), AND… made a lot of people believe I was someone I was not. I actually convinced Mel that I was an angry black man and I was coming to her hotel in the middle of the night!

Anyway… back to the matter at hand…

Let me give you the ACTUAL legal mumbo-jumbo as it relates to stalking (in Colorado, anyway…)



Section 18-9-111 of the Colorado Criminal Code with regard to stalking states that:



A person knowingly commits stalking if directly, or indirectly through another person, such person knowingly:



I.Makes a credible threat to another person and, in connection with such threat, repeatedly follows, approaches, contacts, or places under surveillance that person, a member of that person’s immediate family, or someone with whom that person has or has had a continuing relationship in a manner that would cause that person serious emotional distress.



In Colorado, stalking is a Class 5 felony punishable by one to three in prison.



Now, many of us have engaged in HARASSMENT which greatly differs from stalking. Let me give you a few examples:

-Driving by your ex’s house to see if they are home… NOT STALKING. Driving by your ex’s house repeatedly while shouting “I’m going to kill you, motherfu*ker…” STALKING.

-Calling someone at all hours of the night and hanging up when they answer? Annoying as hell, but NOT STALKING. Calling someone all day and night and describing in detail how you plan to dismember them… STALKING.



Listen kids, I could post the Colorado HARASSMENT laws, and EVERY ONE OF US is guilty, guilty, guilty in some respect. Making obscene gestures at another person? You guessed it… harassment! Speaking profanely to another person. Yes, yes! HARASSMENT!



So, next time you are thinking about drunk dialing the ex and telling them to get the hell bent – feel free! The punishment is a LOT less severe (unless you are a repeat offender… in which case… maybe your next call should be to A.A.) However, if you feel like driving by the ex’s house waving a loaded weapon… maybe you should pass (and consider psychiatric help!)


I’m Jorge El Curioso, and I approve this message.

Saturday, October 22, 2005

Special Treat- Keynote Speaker

Hello,
On the Stalking tip, I have invited my dear friend El Jorge Curioso to jump in on Monday for some info on Stalking...

Very important, as we all do it...including me...Here, Joe Patane...Here, Joe Patane...

LBseahag's Movie Review


Thank you, Damasta!
Damasta saw the movie The 40-Year Old Virgin on opening weekend back in
August. She highly recommended it...
It took me til October 22nd to see it...

Stupid me...Always trust people in your life that are funny themselves...



This movie was flipping hilarious!
Luckily it was playing at an AMC theatre still, and not one of those scary $3 flick SuperSaver places.

The movie is funny from the get-go; A part early on that grabbed me was when Andy, the virgin, was playing poker with his co-workers. They were all sharing experiences about the craziest sex they had...Andy, trying to bluff them, talks about a chick's tits...and they start quizzing him...asking Andy to decribe the tits..and the co-worker says, "did she have bumpy nipples, where a blind man reads braille? We call them the Stevie Wonders..."

Guess you had to be there...but if you have seen it, you are laughing right now...

And for you girls that love a Love Story...it has one...and damn, Mimi Rogers is looking hot!

And Paul Rudd, you may know him as Dixie Carter's son on Designing Women and the movie before Reese Witherspoon made it big, Overnight Delivery (which is a great movie) is damn hot!!!!!

So in closing...If a friend or a neighbor who kind of sucks and has something you can't quite put your finger on tells you to see the movie, "Guess Who", run...

But when someone who kicks ass tells you to see a movie like "The 40-Year Old Virgin", run...to the theatre...

Here are my movie picks, since I kick ass:
1)The 40-Year Old Virgin
2)Waiting
3)Saved!
4)The Life Aquatic (gotta be really sharp for this one)
5)Bad Santa
6)Super Troopers
7)of course, Napoleon Dynamite...sweet!

The "Marry Me" Weekend Continues...


This got me thinking....

Something's missing here...



Ahhh....that's more like it...One happy family....Colgate, Colgate, and Pet Dental™ Cat Toothpaste...

Hmm...
I wonder if the taste of cat toothpaste will send me into a growling,claws-out tizzy like it does to Jinx and the gang?

It can't be that bad... It glides out of the tube so smoothly...like marshmallow cream....Thank God I have teeth...This is gonna be quite an experience...I even salivated a little... The tube says,WITH FLOURIDE, CATS LOVE IT....

goody!

Mmmmm...There's a party in my mouth, and Sorbitol, Sodium Carrageenan, and Yellow Nos. 5, 6 and 7 are invited!


It tasted like a bubblegum trainwreck...with grit...
Parting was sweet sorrow, as I spit it out....


The verdict?
T.Leach was right... Colgate is shit...give me the Pet Dental™ Cat Toothpaste...

Damn, I wish I had fangs or at least a snaggletooth...


Friday, October 21, 2005

The "Marry Me" Weekend....


I am cleaning the shit out of my apartment this weekend, cuz E-go is coming over for nine days to cat sit and cause mayhem here in Long Beach.

I realized my cheap ass marries shit...

We are not talking Kool-aid...like the 1/4 inch of grape and the new 2 quarts of Cherry...

We are talking shampoo, comditioner, mustard....anything...


Here is a sample...more to come...

Lavender shampoo marries Paul Mitchell

You know you do it too...

This got me thinking....

Something's missing here...



Ahhh....that's more like it...One happy family....Colgate, Colgate, and Pet Dental™ Cat Toothpaste...

Hmm...
I wonder if the taste of cat toothpaste will send me into a growling,claws-out tizzy like it does to Jinx and the gang?

It can't be that bad... It glides out of the tube so smoothly...like marshmallow cream....Thank God I have teeth...This is gonna be quite an experience...I even salivated a little... The tube says,WITH FLOURIDE, CATS LOVE IT....

goody!

Mmmmm...There's a party in my mouth, and Sorbitol, Sodium Carrageenan, and Yellow Nos. 5, 6 and 7 are invited!


It tasted like a bubblegum trainwreck...with grit...
Parting was sweet sorrow, as I spit it out....


The verdict?
T.Leach was right... Colgate is shit...give me the Pet Dental™ Cat Toothpaste...

Damn, I wish I had fangs or at least a snaggletooth...


American Idol Idle


Proof that some people have no life:
Kyle Sandler and Jennifer English, a couple that lives in High Point, NC, are trying to get the "Welcome to High Point, NC- Home of Fantasia Barrino" sign taken down, cuz she verbally bashed the town in an interview...

...shut the F up...we don't like High Point, NC either...

and its not like Fantasia can read it anyways...

full story

and this photo just downright disturbs me, and I'm sorry I found it:

Thursday, October 20, 2005

Snap Your Fingers, Snap Your Neck...

This morning started out with me getting rammed hard from behind...and not in a good way...

By a big black Dodge Ram in Orange County. Come on, why the hell does someone who lives in a city need a big ol shite-kicker truck?
Anthony D. from Cypress, California, get bent!

So while I am planning my attack for the insurance company this evening,
please stop by my other venture-
Cher, my favorite blogger, and I have Panhandlers Gone Wild Site. A cornocopia of West Coast Bi-National gnar-dog losers who take from us working schmucks...

Enjoy!

To Kill A Stalkingbird


All this talk about stalkers...

I actually have one right now...some guy I had a fling with over a year ago who shows up at my place unannounced (I never answer the door) and he once even went into my car garage to feel my car to see if it was warm...and the 2am booty-call text messages...
What a dick.
So not interested.

Jinxy has a stalker...A Chinese lady who lives in my building that sneaks up on him when he is in the living room window...
"I scare yo ca--at. He funny."

I was across the street at Rite-Aid a few weeks ago, and she came running down the eisle, saying, "He--y you ha--ave big c-aat in window."

"Me stalk you long time."

Dumb bitch.


Sooo...Have you had a stalker? Or even stalked someone?
What happened? Did anyone go to jail? What about a restraining order?

I really hope my friend El Jorge Curiouso is reading this...she is the queen of stalkers...

I actually still get the urge to stalk my ex from three years ago...I stalked him after we broke up for at least a year...

Skyy Vodka +Cell Phone = Call from LAPD...



Wednesday, October 19, 2005

The Dating GAYme Bombed...

Well...That was a trainwreck...E-go went on his date with Mr. Grease-stain, and there was no connection...And he is bi...not gay...Remind me to stay away from that dude!

Oh well...better luck next time...

LBSEAHAG HAS LEFT THE 'REAL WORLD'

In a ballsy move, with the encouragement of
Phats, I AIM'd Joe from the Real World the other night...








Here is the conversation...

MyCATJinx [7:10 PM]: Hi!
Joe [7:11 PM]: hi : )
MyCATJinx [7:11 PM]: Is it really you?
Joe [7:11 PM]: yes, joe...www.joesworld.org
MyCATJinx [7:12 PM]: great job withyour org...just wanted to say hi from Los Angeles...
Joe [7:12 PM]: that is sweet. thank you!
Joe [7:14 PM]: : )
MyCATJinx [7:15 PM]: i am soooooo thrilled about this...u made my day!
Joe [7:15 PM]: anytime...nite!
MyCATJinx [7:15 PM]: you too!
MyCATJinx [7:12 PM]: bye!


Be still, my heart


Joe Patane from Real World Season 5:Miami...


If you happened to click my AOL profile, you have this link...
I can only wish.....[sigh]

This, folks....will be my new BLOG project....
[sigh]

Tuesday, October 18, 2005

Delayed Theft

I have stolen this from all of blogworld...but I am in a blog slump today...so here goes..This is where you google each word under images and see what comes up....

Where I grew up:Denver


Where I live: Long Beach


Name: Melissa (I can't stand this teenage witch!)




Grandma's name: Faye (WTF???)

Preferred name: Mel
(what is this Asian theme???)




Fave drink: Skyy and Sobe




Fave food:Doritos







Fave Sound: Crow



Fave Scent: Fendi Perfume (tres retro)




Fave song: Badfish by Sublime






Gawd, I'm a narcissist...

And The Winner of The Dating GAYme Is.....

Welcome back, folks...to another edition of The Dating GAYme!
Vanna, please tell E-go who he has won a fabulous gay-ol time with...


The winner is.....OTTO!!!!




(Not this Otto...)




Congratulations to this King of the Queens.....Stay tuned, as Tuesday night, E-go will be documenting this glorious occasion...Bring your tissues, girl, cuz you will be laughing and crying with these drama-bitches!



Jinx Wankermann OUT! [unlike Ryan Seacrest]

Monday, October 17, 2005

Welcome to the Dating GAYme!


Welcome to the Dating GAYme! I am your host, Jinx Wankermann...
Today you will be casting your vote to find out who will win a fun-filled date with
my dear friend.


Let's introduce him now! He puts the X in sex, and soon, one young hot guy will be the muscle that will flex. A 39 year old male from Studio City, California.
Meet E-go!:





Now, folks...how this game works...you get to choose who he will go on a date with, in West Hollywood, California!

Let's meet them now...1st contestent is a 28-year old cutey from Hollywood. He works in the mailroom at Paramount Pictures...Meet Brian!!!!:






Well folks, as you know, in any game show, there is always a clown...like Bob Guiney from The Bachelor, this guy will come out a winner no matter what....meet Otto, a 32 year old from Los Angeles, California!




And now....hubba hubba...this guy has it all going on, but is what we call G.U. here in LA...Geographically Undesirable..Not to mention, he is from area code 909...That's bad!But he is a self-made millionare, so who cares? Meet 35 year old Stuart, from Chatsworth, California...


Please, America! Cast your votes in the comment section...we will be posting fun photos of the date...
Good luck, men!
And good luck, Ryan Seacrest...You will need it after I steal your J-O-B!



Jinx Wankermann, OUT [of the closet]!
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