Sorry, Folks!!!! We're Closed!

Merry Christmas, or holiday of your choice.

I'm going on vacation...and you should too...

Jinx and I will continue with more fun-filled adventures January 1st.

Seahag out!

Two Paws Up- Jinx's CD Picks For 2005

May 2005- Weezer- Make Believe

March, 2005 - Jack Johnson- In Between Dreams



January 2005-Matisyahu- Live At Stubb's

March, 2005-Beck-Guero

May 2005- System of A Down- Mezmerize

Merry Christmas, You Filthy Animal...

If you could send an annonymous gift to your most annoying coworker and get your jollies off when they open it in front of everyone at the office Holiday Party, what would it be?


You know, that guy in lodgistics who never bathes...or the guy in accounting who uses your coffee cup without asking...or the fat lady in IT that is always in the head of the cake line...

The floor is open...

Call Me Fiona Apple, Cuz I'm Feeling Like A Criminal...

Just for kicks, I did some research on a Prison Wedding...


Weddings Behind Bars - The Sweetheart Ceremony (Marrying an Inmate)
-------------------------------------------------------
Fee: $295 - $400

Upon booking your wedding with me,
Reverend Starlene Joyner, you will receive a free wedding ceremony workbook with sample ceremonies and beautiful readings. In addition, you will receive a personalized draft ceremony, and a premarital questionnaire. There is a $50 nonrefundable deposit required to secure my services for your wedding day. This deposit is subtracted from the total cost.
How delightful!

Then this buzzkill...

Contraband
Make sure you leave the following items at home or in your locked car, because they are considered contraband and will not be allowed in the building:

Matches/Lighter- What? No unity candle?
Cell Phones I can't call my senile grandma and say, "No, Grandma, I said married...not buried!"
Liquor-This isn't a buzzkill, this is a boner killer! (literally and figuratively)
Cigarettes What? How am I gonna make some money on the side if I can't sell me some Kools?
Drugs Does this mean physically, or can I be under the influence, of say, muscle relaxers?
Chewing Gum So much for fresh breath! Great, my groom is gonna have mashed potato breath....
Pagers Do people even have pagers anymore?
Cameras [Sniff] No photos? I am going to look beautiful in orange...Are they nuts?

The above fees are based on writing and revising the ceremony, traveling to and from the wedding site, my time corresponding with you, officiating the ceremony, filing the county marriage license, and (if applicable) a holiday wedding fee ($60 is added to the base cost).

Please Note: All ceremonies require a valid marriage license that must be presented to me prior to my officiating the wedding ceremony.

Hmmm....now to decide...do I want Hometown Buffet or Taco Bell for my reception?

The Marry Me, Prisoner Project

So I am browsing through the tons of eligible prison bachelors...decisions, decisions...
I am like a kid in a candystore, with all the choices...manslaughter...armed robbery...grand theft auto...drugs...murder...you know, the usual...

Nothing like a good felony to break the ice!

Here are a few I have stumbled upon...

Check out this hotty bad boy in prison...


He kinda looks like Matt Dillon...

I think I'm gonna go with this one:

Everyone, please meet Christopher. Convicted of DWI (I'm sure manslaughter, though it doesn't say) He is located in TX.
He is 23 years old...
Yes. I like 'em young...Please! This is a fantasy of a lifetime! Like I am gonna do this with some old dude!

I'm off to ponder what is going to be in my letter...

The Marry Me, Prisoner Project

Okay...
So I now have a new project to start working on, for 2006...

I stumbled upon a website, where you can select a prisoner, and write to him...

It got me thinking...Which remember, is not a good thing...

I will never get married, right? I am a totally afraid of commitment, and I am way too married to my job and its travel adventures...

But there is a problem. I come from a Hispanic, Catholic background. I am considered an old maid by my family's standards...

Hita! You must be a lesbian!!!


So...

I am going to pick out a nice young fellow who is serving a life sentance without the possibilty of parole, and see what spawns after corresponding with him for a while...

Its like dating, where the only string attached is soap on a rope...

First thing I need to do is to go get me a PO Box address....
Just in case he isn't really incarcerated, and a masked mad-man shows up at my door with a candlestick...

Colonel Mustard? Is that you? I am in the conservatory...I'll be right there in a sec...


So let the search begin...In case you want to submit me a nice, eligible prison bachelor, here is my criteria:

1)He must be over 5'9"
2)He must have good teeth, or at least 98% of them
3)I prefer brunettes over blondes
4)He needs to have a cool name, like Josh, Sean, Scott, Seth, or Ryan. No Earls, Garys, Williams, Teds, or Cleetus will be accepted...
5)He must be gentle, and must know how to cook...(or peel potatoes!)
6)He must be up for a pre-nup...I'd hate to lose my style-cramper-Ford-Fuckus in a bitter court battle!
7)His unfortunate incarceration must be a lifer...Please! I want a guy on permanent, all-expenses paid vacation!


Find me my ball and chain!

Signed,
Miss Boddy...

I stole this from at least two people in blogworld...

Act like you care, please...

Here goes...


My name is Melissa. My friends call me Mel.

Childhood ambition: Runway model! And a veterinarian...

Fondest memory: The day I moved to California with a car-full of stuff and a guinea pig named Rodney (this was pre-Jinx!)

Soundtrack: A Chorus Line, Chicago, Monster (by BT, the electronica genius)

Retreat: the beach, and heights...I love heights!

Wildest dreams: to move to New York City!

Proudest moment: Right now, because I have the most killer job...I am a trainer in sales and marketing for a hotel chain...I get to travel about 3 weeks a month...

Biggest challenge: commitment-phobia, letting go of a certain past relationship with someone who stomped my heart...

Alarm clock: I long for the day I no longer need one...

Perfect day: Breakfast at White Castle, a martini lunch, and White Castle for dinner

First job: Orange Julius

Indulgence: Shiraz, shoe shopping, a brand new knitted scarf

Last purchase: Injected $1.00 in washing machine


Favorite movie: Anything with Lindsay Lohan or Charlize Theron

Inspiration: Lucille Ball and Red Skelton

Tag yo-self, beeotch!

Its A Little CHILI in Long Beach Today!

Thanks to Spinning Girl,I am gonna learn to make CHILI!
This might be a little scary...since I am known as a culinary nightmare. I cannot cook whatsoever...
The virtual cookbook- Spinning Girl's Blog...

Welcome to CHILI central! Here are all of the stars in this production..
Here is a bigass pot...Actually, it is my only pot...I only use a microwave...
To set the mood for this joyous occasion, I selected Spinning Girl's recommendation...Andy Williams...He is timeless...His version of Silver Bells makes my heart go pitter-patter..Not really. I'm just trying to seem sincere...
Mr. Garlic dropped by...He has a wicked case of B.O.
I had a great idea to fire-roast my pasilla pepper...
A whirlwind of flavors coming together...hamburger, scallions, pasilla pepper, garlic, and olive oil...
Wowzers! Look! I am cooking!
Any time I use a can opener, Tyson comes running...He was a stray, so I am guessing he ate a lot of Chef Boyar-dee before he came to live with me...
Adding the chili dust...

Unfortunatley, I did not have the recommended French Salt...so I settled for Sea Salt with a built in grinder from Wal-Mart...
Here is the trickiest part...I should not be allowed near ovens...You remember my pumpkin pie incident, right?

They didn't burn! Another small victory for the Seahag!
Inspector Jinx verifies this is okay for human consumption...
All systems go! (Especially the gastric one...I am not even supposed to be eating tomatoes...but I am throwing caution to the wind...Get me some Pepsid, stat!


Look! Comfort food at its best!

The mayhem...There goes my "spotless kitchen" reputation...
And to add to this splendid occasion...Napoleon Dynamite on the tube...

In the words of Ice Cube, "Today was a good day."

Thank you, Spinning Girl!

I Work This Runway, Bitch...

Ready for this story? Good. Here goes...picture this:
Little Melissa Fisher. Grade 3.

St. Bernadette Catholic School Lakewood, Colorado. (A suburb of Denver)

Circa 1981. We had career day. I left the house, my mom thinking I was going as a veterinarian. Take Sparky, the little yellow dog with you, Missa (as my Mom used to call me)
Little did she know what I had stashed in my backpack; orange Revlon lipstick, blue L'Oreal eyeshadow, Aqua-net in a pump bottle, and a Lady's Home Journal. Stolen from her, and my older sister, Robin... and I was armed with my Pigs In Space lunchbox:

(I am so excited about sharing this story, cuz KAREN THE GREAT, my awesome, other sister, may remember this. Karen, this is the only BAD thing that happened in childhood. Trust me...)

I arrived at school.
Mrs. Newsome asked, "Who are you?"

My teacher, Mrs. Newsome, was cool and hip for an old chic. (24 years)

The new principal, Sister Jean, was not. She was one of those hags that wrote her name on stuff, calling herself Princi-PAL.

She said, "You are too short to ever be a model. You may want to try something else,"


Fuck you, Sr. Jean Martin, and the Father you rode in on...


I grew to be a whopping 5 feet. Yes, I am short.

Fuck you, Sr. Jean Martin, and the Father you rode in on...

This new site is a way for me to constantly post what I like and dislike in this genre, since tabloids, E!, and having a harem of gay men in my life has seemed to work for so many years...
And I now live vicariously through these GIANT GIRLS

Enjoy, and feel free to email me photos of what you like in fashion, good and bad...

May we all be as free as birds, gay as picnic baskets, and shout out, "Oh, no, she didn't!" when we see some fat chick in spandex...

Ashlee Collapses

Why is it that only celebs Collapse?

I work my ass off harder than these slackers, and I don't collapse...

People out digging ditches work harder than these morons, and I am sure they don't collapse...


Look at Mariah Carey. She collapsed.

Madonna the ugly old whore has collapsed a million times in her much-tired career.

Michael Jackson collapsed...in Mackualey Caulkin's bed...


Why can't they just die instead.

Translation: My secretary didn't know how to get rid of the photo on my desktop....


Merci beaucoup, Eric. Tu me fais rigoler!

M-I-C-K-E-Y- F-U-C-K- U.

Today on KROQ they interviewed this nut-job who is proclaimed as Disney's Biggest Fan...
This is just fucking disturbing. That is why I am sharing it with you...

Peter Pan said something about dying being an adventure...

This guy might as well just kill himself.


George Reiger, of PA.
Top 10 Reasons why George Reiger is Disney’s Number 1 Fan

10. Only person known to kiss the ground of each Disney property on each of his many visits, It’s holy ground to him !
9. After paying basic living expenses, every cent is spent on Disney, from trips to every day items – In a normal year, up to $70,000 is spent on Disney trips.
8. He has already spent well over $1,500,000 on his Disney love, from memorabilia to his Disney home over the past 30 years.
7. It has been in his will since 1974 that his ashes are to be spread at Walt Disney World in the Seven Seas Lagoon and the Pirates of the Caribbean ride. It has been quoted in a few news articles that George should be stuffed and put on display in Mr. Eisner's office.
6. Has customized his home to be a shrine to Disney, with over 24,000 Disney collectible items displayed throughout his entire home. The house alone is custom Disney, from the windows to the walls and floors all in Disney style.
5. Has devoted his life to Disney since childhood, and to this day considers Disney, Walt, and Mickey his way of life and his religion. N.B.D.=Nothing But Disney!
4. Living in Pennsylvania, as of April 2000 has traveled to Disney theme parks worldwide an astonishing 317 visits to Walt Disney World, 131 visits to Disneyland California, 48 visits to Disneyland Paris and 13 visits to Tokyo Disney in Japan.
3. Has been married 6 times. ( 6 honeymoons and one special Walt Disney wedding on September 4, 1998) First 5 wives got tired of the mouse after a few years, but Susan (#6) is just starting out with Disney and it seems that she just loves it. George and Sue have just completed their Disney Dream Home (As of April 1st 2000).
2. Only Custom built Disney House in the world, 4,200 square ft. of Disney, from the floors and walls to the toilets everything ears and Disney Items.
1. He is the only person in the world with over 1,700 (As of 4-1-05) exact Disney tattoos covering over 85% of his body and costing well over $100,000.

Here are a few photos...or you can go on this dumbass' website if you want to continue punishing yourself- Disney Tattoo Guy

That Mickey toilet makes me wanna take a big ol dump...



His current wife...




Wait a sec...she looks familiar...

And the Winner Is.....

Hey Everyone!!! It's me Nuttyblonde...yes, posting on Seahag's blog!! Anyway, I'm here to announce the winner of the first ever Best Blog Cat 2005!!!!

I love cats and it was awesome to see all the blogger cats out there!! The names were soooo clever and fit each one perfectly!!

Congrats to BUG for Best Coat, DIM SUM for Best Name (one of my favs) and IZZY for Best in Show.

And now the moment you have been waiting for...the winner of the Best Blog Cat 2005 is....drum roll please....

BUG

Not only do you have "best coat", but you also have a clever name and you know how to work the camera.

I do have to give special props to Gonzo...I feel sorry for you having that baby crawling on top of you. I have a nice kid-free apartment in Indiana if you are looking for a new home.

Bye Everyone!!

Drum Roll, Please...

Hi! I am Nutty Blonde's cat Jasmin....


And I am here to announce the three winners...
Ready????

Here we go...

Best Coat:BUG
(1st runner-up: three-way tie- LEO, IZZY, CHLOE)

Best Name:DIM SUM
(1st runnerup:tie- Boolicious and Chloe)

Best in Show: IZZY
(1st runner-up:GONZO)

Now, Nutty, do your thing! Cast the vote of one lucky kitty to win the title...

Best Blog Cat 2005...

The winner gets their photo posted on LBSEAHAGs sidebar forever...

Wow!

Welcome to the 1st Ever BLOG CAT PAGEANT

Hi! I am your host, Chibby the Rat...I belong to Damasta
We have changed this around a little, since there are a lot of great contestents...This will now be a Beauty Pageant...
One pretty kitty will be crowned Miss/Mr. Blog Cat 2005...
Cats will be judged on the following criteria:
1)Prettiest Coat
2)Best Name
3)Best in Show
And the best thing? You, the audience, will vote!
We will narrow it down to one of each , and Nutty Blonde
will choose the overall winner...Miss or Mr. Blog Cat 2005!

Let's meet contestents!
Dim Sum and Boolicious
Gonzo


Chloe
Susie
Cricket
Bug
Leo
Gizmo
Chico


Shadow
Labyrinth
Izzy

Remember...vote for one of each:
1)Prettiest Coat
2)Best Name
3)Best in Show
Happy Voting, and Good Luck, Cats!
Voting ends Tuesday 12AM Pacific Time