Monday, December 19, 2005

The Marry Me, Prisoner Project


Okay...
So I now have a new project to start working on, for 2006...

I stumbled upon a website, where you can select a prisoner, and write to him...

It got me thinking...Which remember, is not a good thing...

I will never get married, right? I am a totally afraid of commitment, and I am way too married to my job and its travel adventures...

But there is a problem. I come from a Hispanic, Catholic background. I am considered an old maid by my family's standards...

Hita! You must be a lesbian!!!


So...

I am going to pick out a nice young fellow who is serving a life sentance without the possibilty of parole, and see what spawns after corresponding with him for a while...

Its like dating, where the only string attached is soap on a rope...

First thing I need to do is to go get me a PO Box address....
Just in case he isn't really incarcerated, and a masked mad-man shows up at my door with a candlestick...

Colonel Mustard? Is that you? I am in the conservatory...I'll be right there in a sec...


So let the search begin...In case you want to submit me a nice, eligible prison bachelor, here is my criteria:

1)He must be over 5'9"
2)He must have good teeth, or at least 98% of them
3)I prefer brunettes over blondes
4)He needs to have a cool name, like Josh, Sean, Scott, Seth, or Ryan. No Earls, Garys, Williams, Teds, or Cleetus will be accepted...
5)He must be gentle, and must know how to cook...(or peel potatoes!)
6)He must be up for a pre-nup...I'd hate to lose my style-cramper-Ford-Fuckus in a bitter court battle!
7)His unfortunate incarceration must be a lifer...Please! I want a guy on permanent, all-expenses paid vacation!


Find me my ball and chain!

Signed,
Miss Boddy...

24 Comments:

Blogger DaMasta said...

Ohmygod! I can't believe you are doing this!! Are you really doing this??? lol...

Secret Lover boy is close, but he got out about a year ago. Darn those minimum security joints...

3:08 PM PST  
Blogger coloradohurricane said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

5:08 PM PST  
Blogger coloradohurricane said...

You could always go for my recently encarcerated ex-employee Martin.

(1)Yes
(2)Yes
(3)Yes
(4)Martin is kind of a cool name.
(5)Apparently not. can make a sub.
(6)He probably would.
(7)Will probably be in for life.

5:09 PM PST  
Blogger Chad said...

6'5 redhead MWM with all teeth always wanted to rename himself Seth. Can cook like Emeril Lagasse and no prenup is necessary since he has his own 1990's Buick Riviera beater. Serving life sentence of marriage and children... Please help.... seeking SF looking for prisoner type man to use as sex slave...

Thank you for your support...

Signed,
Mr. Mustard

6:00 PM PST  
Blogger Shannon said...

So are you gonna tease this poor soul or are you really wanting to date this man? lol... Stay away from all men who have been arrested for murder pleaseeeeee??!! Ohhh I think you should date a stalker... and stalk him!! OMG how funny would that be! You could tourture him behind bars! I think I am getting too excited here... =)

6:01 PM PST  
Blogger jamwall said...

i told you seahag! i can't get out and marry you, i'm on death row!

7:10 PM PST  
Blogger SuperSpyGal said...

If you happen to get a guy named Joey "knee caps" Malone....tell him I'm waiting for him to write me back....it's been almost 6 months...what the hell else does he have to do in the joint???....geez

7:21 PM PST  
Blogger Tina said...

LOL wow...are ya really? ya keep it secret, keep it safe lol

8:20 PM PST  
Blogger FU said...

hahaha... i understand the Clue reference!

Ms. Scarlet was hot.

have fun with ur jailbait. :)

9:01 PM PST  
Blogger Michael said...

LB, you're too much! And I love it!

10:35 PM PST  
Blogger bozette said...

I think it sounds like a cool idea.
But 1 thing make sure you let us know what is going on.

5:31 AM PST  
Blogger LBseahag said...

damasta-does he have any friends?

colorado-perfect timing! i bet you could put in a good word for me

chad-no, i won't film prison porn. well, maybe...

jamwall-pleading insanity helps

superspy-joey kneecaps malone...i love that name...

tina-i plan on sharing all the details!
fu-there are lady prisoners, too!

michael-i am a hazard to myself

bozette-oh, trust me....you all will be involved in this....

6:28 AM PST  
Blogger Sherri said...

OMG!!! This is so funny!! Do they do conjical visits??

6:43 AM PST  
Blogger Jessica said...

I don't know much about Prison Pete, but he just might be your man.

9:04 AM PST  
Blogger LBseahag said...

Sherri-I hope so...I'm free and haven't had a conjugal visit...


Jessica! That's brilliant! But do you think he'll go out with me?

9:36 AM PST  
Blogger Frank The Tank said...

you're nuts!

9:37 AM PST  
Blogger Big Mama said...

~Fightening, simply frightening~

Ummm.. Not a bad idea though, LOL!!!

10:01 AM PST  
Blogger mrshife said...

You also don't want someone that has been sold for a carton of smokes. You want your prison guy to be a tough guy.

10:28 AM PST  
Blogger Nutz On A Roll said...

lol you're nuts. but i might be taking that idea into consideration myself, being 27 and not married and my mom keeps "praying" that someone will come along for me.

12:00 PM PST  
Blogger Jessica said...

If you send Prison Pete some canned octopus and honey-mustard hot sauce, I'm sure you'll be his woman forevermore.

12:27 PM PST  
Blogger babyjewels said...

Then you can go visit him occassionally and french the glass like crofton. window licker!

12:35 PM PST  
Blogger LBseahag said...

Jessica-
Hmmm...now where in the world can I get some canned octopus?

Korea town, here I come!

baby jewel-i do that already...but having someone on the other side will make it sexier...

1:22 PM PST  
Blogger LBseahag said...

goo call, Shife...no wussies!!!!

1:23 PM PST  
Blogger Tina said...

lol nooo i meant keep all your personal info secret from him ....eeek

5:27 PM PST  

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