You Want Sushi? I Got Your Sushi...

*Editor's note: This is a bigass inside joke...he was begging for it...
This is a special dedication to Hellboy, a.k.a. Steven from Simi Valley, California...


Do you still lick I mean like eels???

Eat my sushi!


Save your tears for this...

With Love,
Incognito

Ortifice Supply Wednesday

Thank you,Bruno for 'nuff inspiration...

Any-ting You Want...Anything? Any-ting...

Thank you, Colorado Hurricane, for the inspiration for this one...


I grew up in Denver, right...

There is an infamous street called Colfax Avenue...We used to call it Cold-Fucks...

Ever seen a hooker in Denver?
You saw her on Cold-Fucks Avenue...
Double-blundgeon murder?
It happened on Cold-Fucks Avenue...
Got raped and mugged?
It happened on Cold-Fucks Avenue...


And Cold-Fucks Avenue has a million motels up and down it...The best one is this one:
Rumor has it that John Hinkley Jr., that nut-job that shot President Reagan to impress Jodie Foster lived here for a few years...

This place is so ghetto, they almost got sued by Warner Brothers....what did they do? They improvised: (this is not photoshopped....it is real...)
They sliced the U and dimmed the light on the S....
Look at that crack-job rabbit...he's holding that carrot like a fricking joint...and are those zigzags in his other hand? And he has an OJ Simpson glove...the other one is missing...

He started the trend of rabbits cross-dressing...I know he did...He gotta make some money somehow...

I am not sure if it is still open..I have been gone for four years...I looked it up on 411.com and no go...

Fuck.


"I know a place where the sheets are clean and they don't ask you no questions."
The Fuckshop, by 2 Live Crew

Da Da Da Da Da...I'm not Lovin' it!

Two all beef patties...special sauce...lettuce cheese....pickles onions in a booth...


I wanna give out a special "Get Bent" to the couple at McDonald's in the San Fernando Valley today, who made me lose my appetite, cuz they were making out...at the table...he sorta resembled Grimace...El Grimace-o...

I deliberatly sat in front of them, so I could snap the photo and make then think I was a perv for watching...They stopped, but she continued to tweek his giant man-boob nipples...

The photo spares you from the gruesomeness of it...I have not seen that much face-eating since Silence of the Lambs...

All I could think was Big Mac plaque...and Fish-Fil-a breath...

Thank you blogspot, for introducing me to my new friend, Cupcake



Tyson didn't waste any time schmoozing her!
Her friend Denny, a culinary genius, cooked a real, live, Cuban dinner, called Picadillos and fried plantains! It was amazing!
Tyson should have been schmoozing this pretty girl, Issy....



And get this...

Entertainment with dinner! Santa Claus came to town!

Santa Claus!

Free Boondoggle Keychains For All

Wow, what an honor! I was nominated for the Poutine Series here

Thank you, T Wolf for pointing it out to me!

And a big thank you and extra keychain for Colorado Hurricane for the recipes...

Hey! Today I get to meet a real, live Blogger Buddy!

Poor Cake Muse. She has no idea what she is in for...

photos coming later...

The best thing I have said today:

"I need to clean house so I can have sex tonight."

RIP, Sensei...

I had my own Matt Damon Moment...

I have lived her at my apartment for a year, right..

Last May, hey, I got excited...my next door neighbor was hot, and his name is Jake...and he has a dog...

I hit on him...

And he weirded out and said he had a gf back in OH...

I got rejected...even with pussy power...since then, I have always avoided him, which is easy, since I am only home on weekends...

Well, he is moving out, I guess, and this morning, on my way to Ross I saw the most nightmare broad come out of the hallway...acne with an inch of foundation...that's all I'm saying...but then again, she glared at me...if she was at least nice I would not be so hostile...right? Ugly girls should be nice to make up for their apprearance...that is why I smile all the time...
A joke, people. I am not gonna commit suicide..
Well, maybe...

She got the man...I got these shoes...who won?

I was watching the Bourne Supremacy for the millionth time tonight, and remembered how fugly the butterface Matt Damon is marrying, and I got all hostile...

Matt, ask your dad Ben Afflack for some money to get those horse-teeth fixed on that [night]mare..

get it? horse? mare? nightmare? I didn't think so...

Its Got Shocks...Pegs...LUCKY!

My blogger buddy Cher has an obsession with rockets. Hope this feeds your needs...



Does your McDonald's have a space shuttle?


People probably thought I was weird snapping this photo...Not as weird as it will be when I go inside, order a Big Mac Value Meal, supersize it, and request a seat next to Lance Bass...

The Results Are In...

The winner of the Un-Thanksgiving You Suck But I Suck Harder is...

Super Spy Gal

SuperSpy said...

I am un-thankful that I was just notified that my bitch of a sister-in-law (who actually waits by the oven with her two kids so she's the first one to get the food then piles up their plates so high they can't see over them)might attend Thanksgiving dinner, I will most likely choke her with a turkey bone and go to jail...so if you don't hear from me for awhile, you'll know where I am !


Hmmm..I hear this one...and if my sister, Karen is reading this...we know what it is like to have an evil, psycho, bitchy sister who forces her kids to become butterballs...

It hit close to home. I feel your pain, Superspy...

Notice how I turned this game into it's all about me?

Second runner-up is Sherri...Don't get half drunk...get stinking puke drunk...on their rug...



Have a blast...I'm outta here...Seahag OUT!

The Happy Unthanksgiving Game...

Okay...so let's turn the You Suck, But I Suck Harder Game into a fun filled extravaganza...

What are you un-thankful for this holiday season?

Do you have siamese-twin aunts that get drunk and dance on Uncle Butch's table every year?
Does your mother break into tears when dad comments on how lumpy her mashed potatoes are?

Good. You get the point.

I will start: I am unthankful for having to suffer the freezing cold of Denver at Christmas every year.Flying on a plane coated with ice causes turbulance..and those little bottles of Vodka are not enough...

The person who has the worst un-thankful situation wins...

I'm Ready For My Closeup, Mr. DeMille...

A Special Message From LBseahag



And P.S...New stuff added to me and Cher's other blog.

And a special Hello to Tim Healy [wink-wink]

Separated at Birth?

Tag...You're IT....

I got tagged by Goofy Ass Stacy
I am tagging everyone, since she tagged a few of my mutual blogger buddies...


What were you doing ten years ago?
Working at a Sheraton in Denver, and fantasizing about my boss...He was Persian...yummy...

What were you doing one year ago?
Living in a crappy-ass apartment in a not so desirable neighborhood here in LB...

What were you doing yesterday?
Picking my nose, and other ortifices...

Five snacks you enjoy?

1. Nacho Cheese Doritos and Frito-Lay Bean Dip
2. Frosted Pop Tarts
3. Otter Pops
4. Those cheese and cracker dealies with the red stick to spread the cheese
5. 7-11 nachos

Five songs to which you know all the words

1. Badfish- Sublime
2. It's the End of the World As We Know it- R.E.M.
3. Gangsta Gangsta- NWA
4. Summer Breeze- Seals and Crofts
5. Toxicity- System of a Down

Five things you would do if you were a millionaire

1. Buy a house next to Lindsay Lohan
2. Go to clubs like Element, LAX, Skybar and be on the list
3. Nose job and lypo
4. Become more famous for doing nothing than Paris Hilton
5. Still eat at Taco Bell

Five bad habits

1. I smoke
2. I clink the fork on my teeth when I eat
3. I do not eat from spoons with my lips touching it
4. I'm loud at the office
5. I have a chronic staring problem

Five things you like doing

1. Making people laugh
2. Getting plowed
3. Driving long distances
4. Flying
5. Shopping at dollar stores

Five things you would never wear again

1. A hobo hat
2. leather jackets
3. Stiletto heels
4. Wool anything (itches)
5. Eyebrow ring

Five favorite toys

1. My new digi
2. AOL music net
3. Jinx' hanging possum toy
4. I chew staws
5. DVD player

Hollywood HO!

Okay...So I went to Hollywood today to get some stuff for the Californicated Goodie Box for Cher. Here is tourist trap central- Hollywood and Highland...
Here is where they hold the Academy Awards...they did not bring out the red carpet for me....I was a little disappointed...I felt like that chick from Who Wants to Marry A Millionaire...when she showed up to the awards and they stopped her at the rope for wearing a dress off the rack...
These two dill-holes went above and beyond posing for this photo...I so wanted to kick them...and see them topple over and roll into a crowd of visiting Asians...

Also, the yahoo on the right was wearing those glasses over his glasses... Dorkity dork dork dork...
So as far as the goodies, here is a clue, Cher...but thats it...its a fun-filled surprise!
Jinx investigating the taste of plastic bags from Hollywood...

Ding Ding Ding! We Have a Winner!

Thank you all for playing You Suck But I Suck Harder. We had some really great suckiness going on...
-sexless Friday nights with roaches
-scrapbooking and minivans
-home with parents and schoolwork
-not scoring with Duncan Sheik
-rubbing elbows with House of Rep's Pat Gagliardi
-glaring at Bobby Brown
-doing shots with Eddie Van Halen and David Lee Roth
-weekends at home...every weekend...


The winner of this week's You Suck But I Suck Harder game
Sabatkes


Sabatkes said:
"I suck harder because i drive a 2000 ford focus WAGON
and I've french kissed Kiefer Sutherland in 1989 on Royal Street in NOLA with 4 witnesses."

"Bonus suck: I had cocktails with Alec Baldwin in 1996."

"suck on it, suckas! "

Hmm....swapping spit with Keifer Sutherland is not my idea of a good time....and with witnesses...and I have a feeling Sabatkes is the reason for the bitter breakup with Kim Basinger...

Congratulations...stay tuned to next weeks You Suck But I Suck Harder

NEWSFLASH!

My coworker Eric G. and I have just found the greatest site in the world...

Cheerios Karaoke

If you do not have a microphone, they give you an 866 phonenumber to call to bring your rockstar to life...

Let's Play a Little Game, Shall We?

It is called "You Suck, But I Suck Harder..."

I am revealing something about me and/or my life, and let's see if you can top it. It must be real, though...Being molested by a 6-ft gorilla won't work (unless I remember it)

Okay...Here we go...I met this guy at a show in person... If you don't know who he is, he sings that one hit wonder song, Barely Breathing....

Top that!

Coming Soon...The Hollyweird Weekend...

Stay tuned...I will be going to Hollywood tomorrow to shop for Cher's Californicated Goodie Box....and to make this a simply splendid experience, I will skip the car, and take the Metro to get there...and you will be coming along!
Gotta love public transportation....

TGIF- Tyson's Glad its Friday...

And so poor little MeanGirl doesn't feel left out, here is her cameo appearance...

Blame Canada!

DUE TO THE GLOBAL WAR ON TERRORISM, MANY TERRORIST ORGANIZATIONS HAVE HAD
THEIR FINANCES FROZEN...

THE CANADIANS HAVE DECIDED TO REDESIGN THEIR CURRENCY TO PREVENT THE
RADICAL ISLAMICS FROM EVEN TOUCHING IT...

Won't You be My Neighbor?

I am at a creative low today...Busy with work...but I did find this...a photo of me and Mr. Rogers...

Wanna Pole Dance?

I ask myself this question about a lot of men...just not these two chumps..

Office Supply Wednesday

Everyone needs a little can of this:

Instant rubber thumb...keeps your coworker's thumbs' up their butts with ease and less slippage...

A Little Diddy To Brighten Your Day...

Thank you, to my coworker Eric G. for this beauty:

Love Song

To LBSEAHAG, With Love...

Check this out! Cher,the most awesome Canadian in the world, sent me a goodie box full of joy from Victoria, BC!
Look! Poutine in a Package! Now I can really tear the kitchen up with some real Poutine! Not the imitation! And Rockets! But we know them as Smarties!
Candy and a toy for the terrors!

Jinx approves of this toy! I think it has poutine-nip inside

Lookie! Little gummy piggies! We can't get these here in the states!
Aero Bars...If you have never had an Aero Bar, you have not been to heaven....You bite into these beauties, and they are full of air pockets...
I literally jumped up and down when I took my first bite...I might melt them and shoot 'em into my vein....

Various favorite movies of my dear Cher...Ghost World!!! And Being John Malkovich, A Problem with Fear, Duets, Comic Book Villians, and High Fidelity! I know what I am gonna be doing this weekend!!!
Nice! A Victoria magnet!
This little piggie magnet is now part of my happy little magnet collection...And a reminder of what I will look like after I eat all these Aero bars...

Check this out! The Ford Fuck-us is no longer a style-cramper, cuz of this neat-o Victoria sticker!

Merci, Cher! J'aime le Canada!!!
Gotta go...gotta go do some shopping for a Californicated Goodie Box!

OH!!! Anfd Cher has a new posting on our other site, Pan Handlers Gone Wild!

Is it possible to start old and get younger?

Oprah 1985 and 2005.