Is there a petition somewhere I can sign to keep these bitches off the red carpet???

Jinx's Movie Review

If you absolutely loved Scary Movie 1,2 and 3, you will love this one from the same writers...

This movie was hilarious!

It was a parody on movies such as Briget Jones Diary, Meet the Parents, Meet the Fockers, When Harry Met Sally, etc...the character, played by American Pie cutie Alyson Flannigan starts out as a chunky chick who gets her body pimped a la Pimp Your Ride, then falls for a hot guy she meets in her cafe (like My Big Fat Greek Wedding.)
She then visits Hitch, played by that midget dude from Bad Santa. She then lands this hot guy on The Bachelor.

To play on the windex thing from My Big Fat Greek Wedding, the dad, Eddie Griffin, sprays hummus!

You gotta see the little "asshole" kid from Meet the Fockers say "bee-otch"...and Jinx makes an appearance, but his name is Jinxers...

Good Times!

Goodbye, Don Knotts

Here's a little trivia. What movie did the character paint a portrait of Don Knotts in an art class?

MMM Good...Magically Delicious...SNAP CRACKLE POP...What the Hell Do Those Keebler Elves Say???

Hello. Remember my Thanksgiving Pumpkin pie? I am not known as a cook, chef, baker, nor foodie...but I am known to the Long Beach Fire Department, for setting off my alarm any time I risk using my oven.

So I am gonna try again. I am gonna bake cookies today! Plus, since I will be sharing them with a friend, I want to prove to him I didn't add any anthrax. Arsenic, maybe, but that is none of your business...
Okay...I figured the only way to make a little Elfin' Magic, I needed to channel my inner elf.

What I can't figure out, is why in the hell did I splurge on brand name sugars and flour, but bought some off-brand, generic baking soda? I think I saved like 2 cents...

I turn my back for two seconds, and who do you think I find loving-up on the mixer?

Just to prove I ain't nasty like that, here I am washing the mixer attachments...with soap...in hot water...

I might not shop at Tru Valu ever again...look at these eggs I bought...is that Garfield on the left? And Joan Crawford on the right????

Down the hatch! Get it???

I'm mad at the makers of Vanilla Extract...they sell you this big 'ol bottle, and you only need a teaspoon...

Wow! It's starting to look edible!

This, however, is not...Hey...it was only four seconds!

Once again, just to prove I ain't nasty like that...off to the garbarge dump in the sky!

Just look at my oven...this is the mayhem of a year's worth of burnt pizza, pies, and the Marie Callendar's Chicken Potpie I blew up a few months ago...

I am so glad chocolate chip cookies are the kind you don't have to touch with your hands...ew. I bet it feels gnarly in your fingers and when it crusts up your ring...

Yay! Thery're ready to come out of oven-hell!

Guess I was over-doing it when I decided to unplug the fire detector...Eat this, LBFD!

Victory!!!!

The arsenic is kicking in...gotta go...

There.
Now go spread your own lovin' from the oven...

Stay tuned...for the Elfin Magic project...coming soon...where I will blow up the kitchen yet again, with my baking skills...

What the Hell is This????

I was sitting there in my my kitchen, and something caught my eye....

(click to enlarge, it's freaky looking...)

Why its a vision of Mr. Hanky embedded in my kitchen cabinet....

Or perhaps it is this...

What do you think????

The Best Five Minutes of Your Life...

No, I am not talking about sex...that's two minutes...
I'm talking about this:

My buddy Joe Redifer has struck again...with a short film based on a stick-figure war he and this guy Joe G. used to pass back and forth during class in high school...

Its's awesome!

The War

Happy Birthday To My Hero...

Damn, can we stop with the birthdays???

Happy Birthday, Bradley Nowell...

If you are not familiar with Bradley Nowell, he is the late singer of the band Sublime. Straight out of Long Beach, California, Sublime has remained my favorite band in the world for many years...

Unfortunately Brad succombed to his addiction to heroin...far too soon...but he left us with his heart and soul, a new genre of music, with a mix of rock, ska, punk, hiphop, and reggae flavor...

Today I visited Bradley's grave to pay my respects...

Location: Westminster, CA (near Huntington Beach in Orange County)I don't know about you, but Orange County is the last place I would wanna spend my eternal nap...

Hey, Cher! This is for you! I know you are a huge fan, too...so I left a little something-something to represent ya!
Later, when the stoners arrive to sit around and smoke a bowl here- "Dude...these Rockets like fell from the sky...That's tight..."

No, those lipstick prints are not mine...I stopped doing that a few years ago! I do have my "badfish" ring on for the occasion!

Who is YOUR Amy Campbell?

I absolutely love when people can recall great stories about evil kids from childhood...I adore this one: Spinning Girl's Tale of Amy Campbell

My Amy Campbell was this dumb bitch, Krissy Rowe.

Picture this:

3rd grade.
St. Bernadette Catholic School, Denver Colorado.
Location: Playground, see photo...

The day before Christmas break...
Little Melissa Fisher is minding her own business, walking along the playground, when she spots 4th grader Krissy Rowe inside the music room with her class. Krissy raises her middle finger, and rubs it down the side of her cheek at little Melissa Fisher.

Oh no, she didn't.

Little Melissa walks up to the window, removes her purple mitten, and raises the bird in the air. Just then, the whole class, including Sr. Catherine Marie, looks up in horror..
Gasps all around the room.

Little Melissa Fisher runs...

Sr. Catherine Marie, an old red-headed nun, leaves the room, and marches out to the monkeybars where little Melissa Fisher is, and calls her inside to the lunch room.

She is pointing and growling, and a piece of her nun-lunch from earlier is spat and lands on little Melissa Fisher's face. She fliches, then gets yelled at more for flinching.

Little Melissa Fisher's punishment? She will wash tables after "the big kids' lunch" for a month when she returns from Christmas Break...

Little Melissa Fisher's Christmas break is ruined by thinking of the humilation, ridicule and torment she would endure from the "big kids" while washing tables...

Not even the Barbie Townhouse Santa brought was a consolation...

January 6th Little Melissa Fisher returns to school, in fear. Thank God for old senile nuns...Sister Catherine Marie forgets the whole thing, and little Melissa Fisher gets off scott free...

Fuck you, Krissy Rowe....

Happy 29th AGAIN?????

It's my birthday and I'll be a narcissist if I want to....

Little Melissa Ann made her entry to the world in Denver, Colorado, on Tuesday, February 20, 1973 at 7:23 AM...

Here's me as a nerdy third grader...this is around the time I planned on being a runway model when I grew up...

no comments from the peanut gallery...heh.

Fifth grade I discovered hair curlers...how come no one told me that hairdo looked like shit????
I was wearing a LeTigre shirt...stellar...

Now this is damn embarassing...This was taken on my 20th birthday, in 1993, with the late Yoda-cat...Nice frosted hair...This was taken around the time I was stalking a guy named Rod Boer...he worked at Circle K and loved Def Leppard...
you can't see, but I was wearing suede boots with fringe...way cool.
2006-Still proving to be the biggest dork on the planet...and if I had a LeTigre shirt now, I'd wear it proudly...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, Kurt Cobain
February 20, 1967-April 5, 1994

Ohhh Granny!

What a way to celebrate my birthday, which is tomorrow...I am gonna scare you with the uncanny resemblance I have to my deceased grandmother...

Everyone, meet my paternal grandma, Faydelia Marquez...

A few weeks after she died, in like 2000, my grandpa saw me and fell over, crying and yelling, cuz I look so much like her...I had to leave so he could calm down!
He died about two years later, and I was fortunate to hold his hand through it...I was like her understudy...I gave the eulogy, too, and now that felt weird...

Damn, I hate my nose....

This is for you, Michael. L.A. to NYC...My crafty coven and your crafty coven bond....

I Put the HO in Hotel....

Here is my exciting week...I seldom post about my job, so this is weird...No, I do not work for BW, you stalkers! My hotel-chain-owner just happens to own one and we franchise it from them...
What do I do besides spend 90% of my time on the road? I plan events like this and pray people show up!

The site, Some Small Beach Town, California...

I was playing hostess! One of my hotels had a ribbon-cutting/grand reopening after a major renovation...Even the mayor of this small beach town was present!

Look at this awesome lobby!

The weather has sucked out here for the past few days, so no one was swimming...its been too cold, like in the 60s! BRRRR!

So there you have it, a busy week in the life of Seahag...wasn't it just fun?

Hey...I'm alive!

I have been way busy with work this week...I will be catching up on everyone's lives this weekend...

In the meantime, here is my boyfriend, Cody...Isn't he beautiful? Wish he was mine...

I am gonna take a vacation from blog for a few days...I have family in town I need to entertain...They will get sick of me and go home as planned...

See ya on Sunday!

For Anyone Who Kisses the Corporate Ass...

My pal Joe Redifer brings you this:

The Working Man

Notice that the star of this movie is the guy, Joe White, whom I was obessed with all through high school...

Come On...This is Hollywood!

What I think what really happened- Sheryl figured this trend was like, so, OVER!

There's Something About A Raccoon....

Does anyone out there actually know a "Furry"?
You know....someone who finds people or themselves dressed in an animal suit sexually exciting...
Perhaps you are a Furry. Or your cousin. Or your neighbor. Or boss..

Did you ever walk in on someone fondling someone dressed as toad?