Thursday, October 20, 2005

To Kill A Stalkingbird


All this talk about stalkers...

I actually have one right now...some guy I had a fling with over a year ago who shows up at my place unannounced (I never answer the door) and he once even went into my car garage to feel my car to see if it was warm...and the 2am booty-call text messages...
What a dick.
So not interested.

Jinxy has a stalker...A Chinese lady who lives in my building that sneaks up on him when he is in the living room window...
"I scare yo ca--at. He funny."

I was across the street at Rite-Aid a few weeks ago, and she came running down the eisle, saying, "He--y you ha--ave big c-aat in window."

"Me stalk you long time."

Dumb bitch.


Sooo...Have you had a stalker? Or even stalked someone?
What happened? Did anyone go to jail? What about a restraining order?

I really hope my friend El Jorge Curiouso is reading this...she is the queen of stalkers...

I actually still get the urge to stalk my ex from three years ago...I stalked him after we broke up for at least a year...

Skyy Vodka +Cell Phone = Call from LAPD...



19 Comments:

Blogger Phats said...

HAHA no stalkers here that I know of, although there is a strange pair of eyes peering thru the window at me right now, hmm hope it's just an owl!

Poor Jinx train him to bite her ass when she aint looking!

11:11 PM PDT  
Blogger FU said...

i had a phone stalker. it was revolting.

some weirdo man would call me from a private number and masturbate loudly. when i shouted at him and told him to fuck off, he would only enjoy it more *shudder*

then i stopped picking up the phone on the private number and he would leave massive masturbation phone calls on my phone.

i had no clue WHO this person was and when I called the cell phone company they said they weren't able to trace it.

I ended up changing my number.

Sick revolting fucker...

Oh and ex gf1 text stalked me and private phone call stalked me for about a year until i forgave her for being a bitch.

:)

12:16 AM PDT  
Blogger LBseahag said...

FU, are you sure you have no way of getting ahold of that guy?

I am terribly jealous...I never get calls...

Seems like one year is the cutoff to stop stalking after a breakup...

12:19 AM PDT  
Blogger DaMasta said...

Some crazy Afican in a cab stalked me at my last job. He would come to my check out line and breathe all over me. When I moved jobs, he called my new job and said stuff like you must be lesbian you don't like me. you must like girls.

no, i just don't crazy crazy muther truckers in cabs who stalk me.

5:49 AM PDT  
Blogger Nutz On A Roll said...

lol yeah FU give that guy my phone number!!

So no, never really stalked stalked someone. Just drove by their house to see if they were there. That's it. I'm chicken shit.

6:14 AM PDT  
Blogger Bobby said...

i've only had online stalkers.

and you don't seem to have a stalker, I would have noticed when looking through your windows or driving by your place twice an hour.

7:08 AM PDT  
Blogger Andraste said...

Had this big fat friend of a friend develop a crush on me once. Started e-mailing me with stupid shit all the time. Kept asking me out to do stupid shit like fly kites. Jesus. Showed up at my office door once with chocolate cake! No, I DIDN'T EAT IT. GAH!!!

8:01 AM PDT  
Blogger cher said...

that picture cracked me up!
i don't know if i've ever truly stalked other than in highschool-obsessivly going past someones locker and figuring out what classes he had so i'd know which bathroom to go fake a pee in and hope the classroom door was open...
oh! and I used to drive by my guitar teachers house all the time. i'd make my friend come with me too. actually, i took guitar lessons from him just to hang out with him. he made me sweaty. and i already knew how to play. i just pretended i didn't. when he finally decided he couldn't teach me anything else i took him to dinner as a "thankyou" and was determined to kiss him, but chickened out. my face was red the whole dinner because i was so nervous about my plan. i worked in a video store at the time and looked up his account later and figured out he would go rent porn after most of our lessons. i was soooo flattered!

8:07 AM PDT  
Blogger mrshife said...

My dog stalks me when I wear my slicky pants. He cannot resist the swishy sound and tries to hump my leg.

10:39 AM PDT  
Blogger cher said...

mr shife- i don't blame him. i would too.

11:17 AM PDT  
Blogger babyjewels said...

Never had a stalker. Now I feel unlovable. Seriously, that's pretty scary, especially fu's phone jerk. (look a pun!)

12:17 PM PDT  
Blogger Cupcake said...

I had a boy stalk me after I broke up with him in high school. He would drive by my house reaaalllll slow and stare. One night we found a bog ol' kitchen knife stuck in the lawn after he'd driven past.
Freak.
I ran into him years later in the grocery store and I ran outta there as fast as I could.

2:33 PM PDT  
Blogger Cupcake said...

~sigh~ that should have read *big ol' kitchen knife"
don't try to type and eat your lunch at the same time.

2:36 PM PDT  
Blogger ~The Goofy Ass Chick said...

Yes, I've had a stalker. It was an ex-boyfriend in high school. While my family and I went on vacation he somehow snuck INTO our house. When I got home, a teddy bear he had given me had a steak knife through the chest and he wrote that I had broken his heart. No, I didn't do anything about it. I just stayed the hell away from him.

As far as me doing the stalking, I I have to admit I've done it. I won't go into too many details but let's just say I was good at it in a non threatening psycho kind of way.

2:57 PM PDT  
Blogger Sherri said...

I did have a stalker once. I had to get a restraining order. I was 18 and living by myself in my first apartment. I have no idea who this guy even was. He was friends with the people in the apartment next to mine. He would leave notes taped to by door. He would leave stuff under my windshield wipers on my car. At first he just had a crush on me, and I didn't want to hurt his feelings, so I just told him I was seeing someone. (I wasn't. I lied and he knew it.) When he made a scene where I worked at the time my boss called the cops. It was a bad tough ordeal, and I sometimes wonder what ever happened to him. After the whole restraining order thing he did drop out of sight.

4:19 PM PDT  
Blogger Design Goddess said...

The ex/non-ex of a guy I had gone out with TWICE! pretended she was a man who spotted me at the bar we all (skii, chad, me and other guy) went to and was e-mailing and IM'ing me. I was skeptical at first b/c he/she couldn't answer who was the "mutual friend" we had. Then she slipped up! I had her screenname on my buddylist and I saw her sign on, then off, then "my guy" signed on, then off, and she then signed back on!

Plus things just weren't adding up and so I messed with her head a little. It was SO soap opera-ish that there just isn't enough space to give all the details!

4:20 PM PDT  
Blogger LBseahag said...

yikes! these are all great stalker stories...

i have to say, the knife in the bear and the knife on the lawn are the worst...

or showing up at your house...

ha ha, design- i did that trick ton some dude once, stalked him with a fake aol gf...good times!

5:56 PM PDT  
Blogger T. Leach said...

Guys, you're missing the point. We must save the cat. "He rook ... dericious!"

6:53 PM PDT  
Blogger Jorge el Curioso said...

Ahhhhh.... Queen of Stalkers... this is not a good thing! Let's see... the first person who stalked me did so before the wonderful state of Colorado enacted all the anti-stalking laws...However, he was pulled over and given a "stern warning" by the police... whatever the hell that means. And then there was Marcy... that crazy bitch. I got a restraining order on her for a year. One year to the day... guess who was calling us (by us I mean your favorite BEN-WA character...)

Jinx - you and I have stalked a couple of people (JoeDali comes to mind - better pack a lunch!)

Stalkers rock!

9:33 PM PDT  

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