Tuesday, September 06, 2005

Entertainment Anti-Christ Revealed in Rome

Today in Vatican City, knotted, gangly fingers were pointed in a series of offical sitings of the Entertainment Anti-Christ to this guy-

Welcome to Las Vegas, Nevada.
While this city has been tagged as Sin City for its debauterous reputation for gambling, drinking and women looser than the slots, something worse is happening here.
Posing as a successful, friendly prophet of fame and fortune, this man has managed to suck the life out of many celebrities. A common example today is Grammy-winning Celine Dion.
A source close to the singer had this to say,"I don't think it was the booze or money that drove Celine to follow Mr. Newton. I think Rene [her husband] planned it to seek revenge on her for getting old. Once she reached thirty five, he felt there was no other option than to ditch her in the desert."

Other sources have stepped forward regarding celebrities that may have been placed under this man's spell; a charming man, with a voice that melts icecream and hearts all over the city that boasts, "What happens here, stays here."

Back in 1982, Rick Springfield had it all- a promising career on General Hospital as Dr. Noah Drake, and two multi-platinum albums. He allegedly met Wayne Newton on a weekend getaway in 1996. He was never to be seen in California again.

Sources say the Vatican has reported that Wayne is hot on the trail of Grammy winner and teen pop sensation, Britney Spears.
Because she has seemed to let herself go with this pregnancy thing, many fear she will take up the offer to regurgitate her career in you guessed it, Las Vegas.

According to spies in Vatican City, there are reports that Wayne is not acting alone; they believe Vegas performer Danny Gans is in on this.

Danny Gans never had a career in Hollywood prior to his luke-warm fame in Vegas, making him a suspect in this horrible case of demise and false promises of fame to fallen stars.

Reps for any of these performers were unavailable for comment.


Blogger Phats said...

I think you update this thing more then anyone I know.

So what are you feelings on Kelly Clarkson, this question could make or break our blog buddieship!

11:28 PM PDT  
Blogger LBseahag said...

I'm scared to answer...

No, fuck it, I love her latest cd a lot...i didnt listen to her first one, maybe once...why, do you love or hate her????

word ver: icudnmz=I could'nt miss

11:31 PM PDT  
Blogger Phats said...

Why yes, I am in love with miss indepence clarkson! voted 1 million times for her on Idol. I am man enough to admit it!

You like bananas?

11:32 PM PDT  
Blogger LBseahag said...

good...whew..that a close one...i frickin track 10, the one about staring in the mirror...
you have good taste in chicks...im proud of you...
lets go have banana splits...
like my dad would say, I'm thusty! im friday! come over saturday, and we'll have a sundae!

11:35 PM PDT  
Blogger Patsy Darling said...

I have seen Wayne Newton perform in Vegas. I'm under 70 so it seems odd that I would go but he put on one hell of a performance. Better than most pop/rock stars I have seen. And I wasn't totally drunk when I saw him,slightly buzzed I think

1:21 AM PDT  
Blogger LBseahag said...

see? he is spellbounding...he put the trance on you...
don't become too famous out there, he will getcha in a few years!

I fricking loved the photo of fabio....

1:24 AM PDT  
Blogger Bobby said...

What was with Celine's breakdown on Larry King? I didn't see it all, but geez....

MMM, Kelly Clarkson.

And why do I have a hard time believing that Patsy was only a "little buzzed" when seeing Wayne?

4:07 AM PDT  
Blogger DaMasta said...

LOL...I just saw the 40 yr old Virgin last night!! He screams "KELLY CLARKSON!!" when he gets waxed...friggin halarious.

I love kelly! she rocks!

This blog is bananas. B-A-N-A-N-A-S!!

6:09 AM PDT  
Blogger LBseahag said...

Dammit, I missed Celine on Larry King...I tell ya, its cuz Rene is the bastard cousin of Tommy Matola...in a few years Celine will be saying, "I wished someone would have kidnapped me and taken me away," (like Mariah said recently in Star Magazine)

Nothing in life is fun only lightly buzzed.....

8:52 AM PDT  
Blogger LBseahag said...

Hmm...the 40 year old virgin...was it good? it seems like forced fun...like humor of the dorks in your office...like its talked about around the water cooler...

was it?

Paul Rudd is hot, though...

8:54 AM PDT  
Blogger Steph said...

Wayne Newton scares me. The freakishly white teeth, the tanorexia, the helmet hair do. It's frightening.

Hilarious post!

8:58 AM PDT  
Blogger DaMasta said...

Ya know, I thot I wouldn't like the 40virgin movie, but I gotta tell ya, it was fanfriggintastic! I laughed out loud the whole f@ckin time! It wasn't forced at all. It was grand. Original shite. Lines, scenes. It was all guud. My fav scene was "You know how I know you're gay..." Paul Rudd was cute and friggin funny. Usually he's the clean cut, put together one. Here's he's a mess, all over the place - and good at it. The character "Cal" was a breakthru hit. That guy cracked me up.

I would see it again - in a theater!

9:04 AM PDT  
Blogger Jerk Of All Trades 2.0 said...

First A Gilligan post and then a "Anti" post.

Sorry, we are too similar for you to be my arch enemy.

I'm thinking about linking you though.

My comment verification word was: vkvks

Which is Ancient Roman for "Five for five after five!"

9:44 AM PDT  
Blogger LBseahag said...

Tanorexia...that was originally discovered in rats that look like George Hamilton, right?

Jerk- Meet me in Vegas.

Quesadilla-that guy in the Infiniti you went out with was Cal, wasnt he? Can I have him?

9:52 AM PDT  
Blogger DaMasta said...

Don't blame bad complexsion and leathery skin on rats.

Sure, Jinxy, you can have him if you really want a man that puts up his fingers in the shape of a "w" whenever he says "Whatever!"
Come to think of it, he hasn't called in a while. I wanted to squeeze one more free dinner and a Texans game outta him. Damn!

10:13 AM PDT  
Blogger LBseahag said...

Rats have contributed to the death of more humans than all the wars and revolutions in history. The world-wide damage and destruction caused by rats and mice exceeds 200 billion dollars each year. Rats destroy 20 percent of human food supplies annually, enough food to eliminate world hunger. Rats carry more than 20 often-fatal diseases, including bubonic plague, dysentery, rabies, spotted fever and many more. Dangerous disease-carrying insects infest rats, including the flea, tick, louse, mite and mosquito. A rat can smell poison one part in a million and will urinate on the poison to warn other rats not to touch it. A pair of rats can potentially produce 620,000 decendants in only three years if left unchecked. Thousands of building fires of unknown origin are caused by rats gnawing insulation from electrical wiring.


10:23 AM PDT  
Blogger DaMasta said...

Ok, you're right about a couple of things. The smelling poison thing - yes. The chewing the wires thing - yes. The screwing until there's a million babies - yes. But other than that - all false. Rats only get infested by mites and lice, occassionally. Fleas, ticks and mosquitos are way to big to live on rats. Rabies - no way. I don't want to get into it, but most of what is reported about rats is untrue when it comes to carrying diseases.

Plus, I live with domesticated rats. I've never even seen wild rats.

10:46 AM PDT  
Blogger LBseahag said...

Just like men, all rats are to blame for everything...

10:57 AM PDT  
Blogger DaMasta said...

Now, THAT we can agree on.

11:13 AM PDT  
Blogger Sherri said...

Believe it or not, I married my husband in Las Vegas, went to both the Danny Gans show and the show that featured Rick Springfield, and ran into a Wayne Newton impersonater on our first day at the MGM Grande. :)

5:38 PM PDT  
Blogger LBseahag said...

sherri, that means wayne blessed your marriage...now neither one of you get rich or famous, or you will be doomed!!!!!!!

8:30 PM PDT  

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