Friday, September 30, 2005

It'S a SpiDeR, MaN!


Dear Snapple:

Today I was minding my own business, drinking my Snapple. MMMM...Such a refreshing sidekick for my lunch...I look under the cap...Usually, you win a prize under beverage lids...What did my my lid say?

"The average person eats 8 spiders in a lifetime while sleeping."


What the hell?



The world of useless information has gone too far...Even knowing the word Spider was sloshing around in my Snapple made me ill...

Why the hell does Snapple think they should be the one to offer PSAs about what we eat in the privacy of our own beds?
Keep a Snapple bedside...it'll make that puppy go down easy!

Tell me I am not the only one to get my appetite ruined over this surprise message.



So I was then thinking...
Is this urban legend?
Snapple, is it true?
What about the chick who sliced her tongue licking envelopes and a spider egg crawled in?

The eggs crawl in the eggs crawl out....

And what about the girl who had an earache for a year, and finally went to the doctor, and they found it was a wax-embalmed spider smashing up against her brain?

So I am afraid to sleep now, scared stiff about sending a Birthday card, and terrified a tarantula is going to seek refuge in my ear...

Thanks a lot, Snapple...

Stick to what you do best...scaring us with this chick was enough:
At least I know she won't fit in my mouth!

Signed,

Mouth Taped-Shut

15 Comments:

Blogger Phats said...

HAHAHAHA!!
I have heard of this before about spiders, nice thought eh? I heard though it's while you're sleeping you swallow so many spiders.

The snapple lady was on Celeb Fit Club, hello it's at 16 minutes bitch your time is up!

10:50 PM PDT  
Blogger LBseahag said...

no lie...feed her a black widow...i hear they are high in protein...

10:55 PM PDT  
Blogger DaMasta said...

I went to a restaurant the other day and there was a fly frozen in the ice cube in my friend's drink. The manager suggested that we put it in there. What?! Fuck you. I want a free meal.

5:52 AM PDT  
Blogger LBseahag said...

nice...i will try anything to get a free meal...
i almost want to carry a blonde barbie doll in my purse so in an instant, voila! a hair to sneak into my mashed potatoes....think it will work?

7:03 AM PDT  
Blogger DaMasta said...

Better yet, put it in the gravy on top of your steak. That way they can see it better.

7:35 AM PDT  
Blogger Sherri said...

The thought of spiders crawling in my mouth as I sleep horrifies me to know end. Ick!!

7:41 AM PDT  
Blogger cher said...

hair always work.

One time Rob said he woke up and a jumping spider was heading for my mouth. It grossed me out sooo bad. How many jumped in there that he didn't see? He says he's not making it up to gross me out. We were living in our RV at the time and you should have seen them .They were FREAKY. Freaky and mean looking. I now sleep with my mouth sealed up like a tomb. Sometimes my jaw hurts in the morning from clenching my teeth.

you should send a link of this to snapple. The whole deal is disconcerning. You deserve free snapple. Lots of it. Lots of free spiderless snapple.

8:04 AM PDT  
Blogger mrshife said...

I will take the spiders any day instead of watching Snapple lady bawl on Celebrity Fit Club.

8:15 AM PDT  
Blogger Steph said...

LOL. That's a pleasant thought as you're enjoying your tasty beverage. I'm all for useless info but don't need to know how many spiders I'm scheduled to eat this year. I blame the Snapple Lady. Behind that smile she's a bitch!

9:27 AM PDT  
Blogger LBseahag said...

I agree...she is totally behind it...cant wait til I open a snapple and learn about cellulite...

10:29 AM PDT  
Blogger mrshife said...

lbseahag -- I was surprised at your affection for the children's movies, I didn't see that coming. Very nice choices.

10:59 AM PDT  
Blogger T. Leach said...

Spiders schmiders. It's the pubic hair in your peanut butter you need to worry about.

12:23 PM PDT  
Blogger Mae Midwest said...

Freaky- this was the topic of disussion on this workout show I was working out to today. Now I come here and you're talking about it, too.

I believe Charlotte of Charlotte's Web is behind all this.

12:45 PM PDT  
Blogger DaMasta said...

funny you say that, Leach. I once "experimented" with peanut butter in bed. It gave my bf at the time a horrible horrible rash.

2:55 PM PDT  
Blogger LBseahag said...

I thought it was cockroaches in peanut butter? or is that tuna?

6:19 PM PDT  

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