Tuesday, January 17, 2006

Highway to Hell

Bill the Apostle and Jesus and
Satan, himself have informed me that my evil ways are earning me a fast-track ticket to hell...

If I don't change my ways, I am screwed.
-I laugh at retarded people.
-I cheat on my taxes.
-I sleep around.
-I pretend crackers are communion. And drink lots of wine.
-Religious talk makes me horny.
-I butt in line.

What are some bad things you have done to take the carpool lane into hell?


Blogger Shannon said...

*Innocent look*.. nahhh who am I kidding? I am going to hell in a handbasket!! Unless I go to confession that is..

I laugh at people when they get hurt...for example...

I laughed at this guy who was riding his bike and the jacket that was tied around his waist ended up in the tire and he flipped over at a very
high speed.. I know I am evil!

I put balmex around my brothers mouth when he was sleeping and when he woke up, he licked his lips and started screaming bloody murder.

I punched a boy in grade school for stealing my ball, at play time, he ended up with a black eye and I unded up suspended.. where is the justice?

I used my brother's toothbrush to clean my cat's teeth.. shhhh he still doesn't know about that!

12:39 PM PST  
Blogger Shannon said...

P.S. I rip the heads off of my old ken and barbie dolls and switch their bodies and then make them do evil things to each-other... do you believe me?? I didn't think so, but it sounded good!! =)

12:51 PM PST  
Blogger DaMasta said...

I whisper jokes to my sister at church.

I tell lies. Then I lie about telling lies.

I lust after wondercats.

I laugh at angry people.

I don't always cuddle after sex.

1:58 PM PST  
Blogger bozette said...

I read your blog. LOL
I go thru the express lane with 12 items instead of 10. That is what one lady said to me. She said I was breaking the rules and I am going to Hell for that.

2:08 PM PST  
Blogger The Future said...

I have had sex with a ministers girl friend

2:15 PM PST  
Blogger The Future said...

Scratch that I i taped myself having sex with a ministers girlfriend

2:16 PM PST  
Blogger Cupcake said...

I sold $1000 sets of cookware to brides-to-be on credit. They couldn't afford it and probably didn't want it, but it made me a shitload of money.

I was paid when the stuff shipped and they had 30 days to return it. I was raking in $5000 a month (in 1987 that was a lot of dough). When the returns started coming in I quit before they could deduct them from my paycheck.

So technically I was stealing from innocent young brides AND the company I worked for. HAH!

2:32 PM PST  
Blogger LBseahag said...

shannon- you are not only on the expressway to hell, you cut someone off!

Damasta-everyone you know is going to hell via guilt by association...

future-where can i buy a copy?
Bozette-you cut in line with your 12 items, too, don't ya!

cupcake- you are the busdriver on the highway to hell...

3:03 PM PST  
Blogger Big Mama said...

After reading all these I don't feel so bad... I told my kids that when other little kids are bad that means that their mothers don't love them and they should feel sorry for them. I also told my kids that we are surrounded by people with small brains that's why they do stupid things and can't drive. LOL!!!

Hey LB, I'll be boarding that bus to hell with you all all these other naughty people... LOL!!!

3:09 PM PST  
Blogger bozette said...


3:28 PM PST  
Blogger The Future said...

we can make our own one

3:39 PM PST  
Blogger Shannon said...

Seahag ~ LMFAO!!!

3:45 PM PST  
Blogger mrshife said...

I smuggle Canadians across the border.

4:00 PM PST  
Blogger LBseahag said...

big mama and bozette-make sure you steal the bus fare from an innocent old lady...

future! you naughty boy! get on your knees...beeotch...no smile for the camera...

shife-mmm...nothing tastier than an illegal alien...

4:15 PM PST  
Blogger Shoe Diva said...

I used to drive in the HOV lane during rush hour and somehow avoided getting pulled over.

I use my middle finger a lot.

4:32 PM PST  
Blogger Satan said...

where to begin

i spread plague and pestilence

i created everyone of the seven deadly sins and then reveled in them

i made pee wee masturbate in a movie theater

i developed the formula for meth and think using cold medication as a primary ingredient is a hoot

i hang out with pat robertson

i voted for bush

oh i could go on and on for days

did i mention that i think shannon is a total hottie i want to ride that bangbus with shannon on my lap

yo shannon we gonna hook up or what

6:04 PM PST  
Blogger SuperSpyGal said...

I created the Barney character from PBS !!

7:58 PM PST  
Blogger Tina said...

I have terrible road rage
I curse like a sailor

PBS made Barney?! haha

9:41 PM PST  
Blogger SuperSpyGal said...

Noooooo I made Barney !! PBS just aired it !! :-P

10:12 AM PST  
Blogger Spinning Girl said...

You rock so much.

I lie to the government.

Wait, that's everybody.

1:07 PM PST  

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