And the Winner Is...
Someone in my company up for a HUGE award tomorrow night at a banquet ceremony...
Which has me thinking...
Awards are always given for something good...
"I Made the Company 3.5 Million Bucks Last Year Award"
and
"I Volunteered My Time to Assist Low-Income Students in an Internship Program"
But what if the award was not so good?
What if you were to receive the "I've Slept With So Many Helpless, Naive Receptionists Award"
or the
"I Ate Out of the Office Refrigerator and Made Coworkers Go Hungry Every Day Award"
What would you get?
Come on...You know you suck. Having experience and/or an education just allows your ass to hide it better...
The floor is open...spill your guts...
ByLBseahag at 9:31 PM
27 Comments:
Mine would be " having the best Smart ass comments to customers/customer complaints ratio."
I'm surprised what I get away with saying sometimes.
Wow...it depends...was it the coworker that got on everyone's last nerve?
or was it the multi-million dollar client's granddaughter
Either way, when can you start work at my company?
Colorado, after much thought, what exactly smartass did you say?
I win the
"walked-out-of-the-office-kitchen- rubbing-my-mouth-on-my-sleeve-"oh, no, i can't eat another bagel award, it will spoil my lunch" award...
and
"No-I-Don't-who-who-took-that-last-piece-of birthday-cake-you-left-for-the CEO-that-pig!" Award
and
"Bitch-you-stole-my-tape-dispenser-so-i-am-holding-your-scissors-for-Snickers Bars-ransom" Award...
I work in the internet room on my university, and sometymes students ask me really stupid questions like :"wy can't i enter my e-mail, at home i always get in... try to put the password darling...
"can you translate this french e-mail i got?" i can say go fuck yourself in french... dois it help you?
so at this tymes i give the "eye".. i look serios with my eyebrows imitating jack nicholson. everiday at least 3 times.
(examples written above dont get in on my job "you must do" list)
I get the "Every man for himself award"...when I worked in the city I was (reluctantly) made fire warden of the floor, which basically meant I had to make sure everyone on my floor was alerted and on the way out...yea, sure..on the first fire drill, I had my ass down those stairs and out the door so fast that I was waving to my co-workers from street level as they were still 27 floor up !!..Ya snooze, ya lose ! :-P
I win the
"talk back to the Senior Attorney and made him back down when all the secretarys were afraid to tell him what they thought of him and his attitude. Which in turn gave me a LOT of credibility and now he asks MY advice on HUGE matters"
award. Which really sucks, what if I really screw up and he actually USES my advice!!! OH THE PRESSURE!!!
"Slept with too many bosses and THEIR bosses" award.
Yup.
That would be mine.
I would get the "You stole all the real office silverware and are hording it in your bottom right desk drawer (under the company coffee cups)and therefore have forced the company to buy bulk plastic flatware-which you've stolen too" Award.
At my job, there would be a 20 way tie for winner of the "How the hell do I keep my job?" award. <---Way too many people faking their way thru their careers.
We need a Brown Star Award for the 'Employee who kisses the most ass in the most effective manner'.
Let the dog out over an hour ago and just remembered to call her back in award. And no she's not tied up, either.
Please don't call PETA on me.
I would get the Mr. Coffee award as I made some people coffee with my own urine at an establishment many years ago.
OK-Here's mine and specific to my field:
True story!
The "I GOT SCREWED IN THE A**, and IT WASN'T FUN" award.
(What makes this suck is that I was a rockstar, and still got this award!)
Heres what the customer Dick Weenie did to me:
"I made a twolf1920 work for 2 weeks on a purchase mortgage loan (it usually takes 4 weeks),I was referred by my bestest friend who said Twolf rocks, and I didn't cooporate with him thus making his life a living hell on earth.
Because I wouldn't cooperate with him, this made him call in a dozen favors from his connections to get my loan done THEN as soon as he got it all done, (AND he got me the deal he promised), I F**ked him in the a** by going to another lender who lied to me by promising me a better deal.
And JUST to make sure I REALLY REAMED HIM GOOD, I didn't pay for the appraisal, so Twolf NOT ONLY worked for FREE, but his DUMB ASS had to pay for MY appraisal too"
I DARE ANYONE HERE to beat that, and it JUST HAPPENED to me this summer!
"talk dirty to all the female co workers and get away with it coz they like it and giggle" award
I had an office affair with two women at once then quit when it got ugly.
Oh and I pissed on your toothbrush
Oh crap. I'd get the I'm the one who clogged up the 4th floor toilet on Wednesday.
You happy now? (Crying.)
twolf, LOL!!! (sorry for laughing) THAT BLOWS! but...it IS funny...
After a customer called in complaining there was no bacon on their pizza, i got the "you CAN NOT pick the bacon off the pizza award"
Wow I can't top these, so i won't even try.
You feeling better seahag?
Big Mama-
Believe you me, at the time, i wanted to cut this guys balls off with a plastic knife too-I can laugh today because if i didn't, i would cry like a little baby!
TOOT TOOT!!! you won!! sweet cherrt pie!
I would get "Nicest person to the patients on the phone when in reality you're making fun of them in the office or holding back what you REALLY want to say to their dumbass questions"
These all kicked ass...thank god i do not work with any of you slackers!
I would win the award for "Employee Most Likely to be Found Farting in her Boss' Office While She Thinks No One Knows" award.... OR
"Employee Most Likely to Have ____ in her Bottom Desk Drawer" (I have a freaking convenience store/pharmancy at my desk that everyone frequents)
YAY LB!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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